Cool cool

Stop grieving. I have decided to accept this positively. Thanks for all the advices. I read them all and tried to think over them. It is hard for me. So many things came up in my mind. Macamana kalau dia pergi dan terus lupakan saya. Kalau dia curang ke….kalau dia tak jadi masuk islam. Kalau dia memang cari alasan nak tinggalkan saya. Kalau sebenarnya family dia yang suruh dia further study untuk pisahkan kami. What a nonsences. Suddenly I realized yang semua yang saya senaraikan dalam kepala saya tu adalah yang negatif. Kenapa saya tak fikir yang positif punya side pula. At least saya kena be very supportive to kevin. Bagilah peluang kepada dia untuk mengejar cita-cita dia juga. Dan dia kata dia nak be ‘someone’ to my parents and family. At least my parents akan lebih confident dengan dia. Dan saya akan lebih confident dengan our future. Ini adalah pengorbanan dia untuk kami. Tak perlulah saya nak menggelabah.

Semalam lepas solat isyak saya ambil quran dan baca. Dah lama tak baca quran lepas solat. Solat pun selalu nak express saja. =P. Lepas tu saya panggil yaya masuk bilik saya dan cerita dengan dia masalah saya. She is the only one yang saya bagitahu perkara ni. No, no actually I’ve been telling about this to more than 1,000 people already in my social networks. So fast eh. No secreto nowadayss..semua nak update kat orang ramai. Tak elok nihh...

Yaya banyak bagi nasihat suruh saya cool. Memang kena cool tapi tahulah macamana perasaan saya. Rasa takut melebihi confident.

Tapi hari ni bila bangun pagi-pagi saya rasa tak perlulah saya kesali apa yang akan terjadi. Belum terjadi pun dah nak kesalkan ye tak. So not healthy. Terus bangun siap-siap ke kelas macam biasa. tak macam 2 days ago yang rasa macam nak mati aje. I hope that life will be brighter for me kalau saya pasrah dan redha dengan apa yang berlaku.

He will not be leaving so soon pun kalau pun dia betul-betul diterima. Saya masih ada masa dengan dia. At least few more months. I still can get to know him better, showing my love to him. Tapi insyaallah dia ada peluang besar juga looking at his current pointer. Plus dia adalah aktif dalam aktiviti kampus dan favourite students to most of the lecturers. Tak macam saya [-.-]” merendah diri. Boooo…hehe

All the best to you kevin. I’ll always support you, love.

He will leave me

It was on Sunday evening, when Kevin called and said

“Can you get ready in ½ hour? I want to see you urgently”

I thought that he was just pulling my leg and surprised me ke apa.

Dia kata dia ada something nak bagitahu yang dia dah simpan hampir 2 bulan tapi tak sanggup nak cerita dengan saya even he tried several times. When he went to KL to see me he already carried the news to let me know but he just could not do it. He took with him back to KK again and after thinking over it he has decided he needed me to know a.s.a.p.

No wonderlah sebelum ni saya pun dah rasa yang kevin macam hiding something from me. Saya ingat it was about his family matter or religion matter but its not that.

Bila sampai kat depan rumah saya kevin cakap

“Prof S ada recommended few students for Master kat oversea”

Saya tak tahu macamana nak describe the situation masa tu. Tapi dalam tekak saya pun dah rasa ada satu bola tersangkut. Dia tak perlu cakap lebih daripada tu lagi. I felt like the world already crashed on my head. What should I react? Happy, sad, surprised? Tapi saya tak nak fainted kat situ.

But all I said was

“Are you one of them? That’s great! I’m happy for you kev”

Betul ke kata-kata itu keluar dari mulut saya? Tapi saya tak menyesal cakap macam tu. Itu yang memang perlu saya cakap. Kalau itu cita-cita dia, kenapa saya nak jadi super penghalang. Don’t be ridiculous. Im not selfish.

But kevin said

“Are you sure ?”

“110% sure. You should apply dear . Kenapa nak fikir lagi?"

“What about you?"

“Don’t be silly. I’ll be fine”

“I don’t expect that you can be this fine. I ingat you nak marah or nangis or whatever yang a girlfriend probably do kalau boyfriend dia cakap dia akan pergi jauh for several years”

“Yes, maybe i sedih tapi why I should stop you. Its your dream kan? Your future."

"Our future"

"Ok. Tapi you mesti pergi ok. Jangan fikir pasal yang lain-lain”

“What about you? And us?”

“I can take care of myself. Don’t worry. Pasal kita tak perlu lah nak risau kev”

"I tak tahu nak buat apa"

“Just apply. I’m happy for you”

I smiled and put my hand on his cheeks and asked him to smile too. Mata kevin merah je. Tapi saya suruh dia senyum juga. I was so though kan? Even inside I felt macam nak pitam.
What was I thinking????

He will go study overbroad? Leave me here? How life is not being sooooo fair to me. Ya Allah. Masalah saya dengan kevin memang tak akan berakhir, malah bertambah lagi.

Tadi kat bangunan akademik ada terserempak dengan Kevin. He showed me a form in his file. I didn’t look at it but I guess it was the form to apply for a place for the master degree.

He said that he has not fill in. Dia tanya saya lagi if I’m okey or not. Immediately I smiled dan angguk saja.

Pretending pretending.

Kevin, why you want to do that? Don’t you think that our future is going to be more uncertain? Or I am just can’t bear to be apart from you? For couple of years. Or maybe more...

Oh myyy…

Yahoo! Answers

At 2 a.m i am asking Yahoo to answer to my headache.

But i found a question that has been asked by a girl who has came across my same dilemma. Pity her...but it was 2 years ago, hopefully that the relationship still goes on lah. Her question is

My boyfriend is leaving me to study abroad..i need help.?

*sigh.
Now, pity me.

God is testing us me...

My friend ask me this morning, why i looked so sad?

Then only i realized that i said that i'm happy but i'm actually not.

I'm maybe over react but what kevin told me yesterday will gonna change my life. In a good or bad way, a little or a lot. Definitely! I'm trying to be cool but today is a hard day for me to pass through.

Pinky habisss

My pinky lovey dovey. Ready to use.

This entry will be all in pink coz mata saya sekarang pun dah rasa pink habis. Dah lebih 5 jam ambil masa cuba berbaik-baik dengan cik pinky baru ni. harap-harap kali ni dia akan lebih lama sikit menjadi kawan saya. my acer tu sampailah jugak 5 tahun jangka hayat dia kena lanyak dengan saya. dari tak pandai pakai lappy sampailah terlebih pandai pakai lappy. jasamu ku kenang.

mama kata jangan jual. bawak balik bagi Noni. Saya baru je ingat nak melelong acer tu. But Noni.... is only in standard 2!! Budak-budak sekarang kan. Tolonglah.

Yang selalu buat adik-adik benganggg bila saya cakap... "kalau kakak dapat sesuatu tak semestinya you all boleh dapat jugak. kalau dapat pun yang recycle barang-barang yang kakak dah tak nak je laaa"

Dah. Mata dah bertukar jadi pink ke belum? Haha. Saja je cerita2 ni sebab nak tahu you all boleh tahan berpinar mata jadi pink ke tidak

Okey good night......

Bye bye from Pink Ladeyyyy
and thanking her papa for the present.

My birthday dinner with Sidd

There is no friendship between man and woman. Tak tahu berapa kali dah saya mention di sini peribahasa yang ntah siapa yang gilak ciptakan ni. Tapi selalunya ia ada kena mengena dengan hidup saya. Sebab saya tak ramai kawan lelaki. I mean best friend lelaki. Ada beberapa aje. Itu pun boleh dikira dengan jari. Sebab selalunya bila berkawan dengan lelaki maka adalah yang tak kena. Selalunya menjadi cemburu teman wanita si kawan lelaki atau menjadi cemburu teman lelaki si wanita which is in this case ialah saya.

If I went out with sidd, im sure that kevin rasa tak berapa senang. Even dia tak cakap. But I could understand. Even dia kata dia tak kisah. Tapi I can know from his face or from his voice tone. Tapi saya degil. Tetap keluar juga sebab saya rasa tak salah keluar dengan kawan. ;). Tolonglah…kawan is kawan. I am a one man woman, so I love only one man. Riak ke kalau saya cakap macam tu? Kita tak tahu kan apa nak jadi. But so far, he is the only one I love in my life. But I still love kawan-kawan baik saya. Perempuan dan lelaki juga.

Sebab tu kalau kadang-kadang tu setakat keluar makan dengan sidd, saya tak bgtahu kevin. sometimes rasa tak sedap hati tapi kalau bagitahu lagi tak sedap hati. Nak kawan pun kena sorok-sorok pulak.

Last night saya keluar dengan sidd kevin tahu sebab since morning sidd dah start wishing me happy birthday every hours!. SMS and call. Kevin pun tahu sebab saya bagitahu dia. Sidd memang macam tu. Kadang-kadang tak sangka apa yang dia nak lakukan.

Sidd datang ambil saya pukul 8 malam. Mula-mula singgah kat 1B sebab dia nak beli kasut. dia mintak saya pilihkan. I choosed the grey + blue one. Cantekkk. Trust me. =D

Lepas tu dalam pukul 10 lebih barulah pergi dinner kat waterfront. Dia belanja saya makan apa saja saya nak. Then he also bought me a teddy bear, again. the 2nd one sebab last year pun dia bagi teddy bear. Dia kata every year saya akan dapat teddy bear sampai saya tua. So sweet kann..rugi siapa tak jadi girlfriend dia. Haha.

Then kami duduk situ cerita-cerita sambil mula buat misi calling kawan2 sekolah lama dulu. Seronok sangat sebab semuanya pun macam dah ada kat sana sini. Ada yang belajar ada yang dah kerja dan ada yang dah kahwin. See la umur saya dan kami semua pun dah 23, dah sesuai. =P

Sidd hantar saya balik dah dekat pukul 1 pagi. Then sebelum tidur saya texted kevin bgtahu saya dah balik dan nak tidur. He didn’t reply. So over the suspens punya pasal saya terus call dia wpun masa tu dah dekat pukul 2 pagi. Kevin belum tidur sebenarnya. Jadi saya cakap la saya minta maaf kalau dia marah. Tapi masih nak defend diri sendiri dengan menyatakan yang saya keluar tu dengan kawan so he no need to behave over2 sangat. =)

Tapi dia cakap he already trust me so I do not need to gain his trust. Apa maksud dia ye? The whole day saya masih fikir what did he meant. Tapi harap dia akan restu persahabatan saya dengan sidd. kevin tu sangat penyabar, jadi dia mesti boleh cool with this too. I guess lah. No, not only guess but i want him to bless.

23rd birthday

Thankss a million to the wishes from all of you. Yes, i turn 23 today. Happy birthday to me. 23? Such a big number already. Im no more a teenagers. Im a grown up girl. Im thinking that I cant call my blog ‘bvlgarigirl’ already. Maybe I got to change it to ‘bvlgariwoman’ hehe. But I always like bvlgari and I always want to be a girl. SO I rather keep it to remain young at heart. =D sila lah laugh.

Pagi tadi dapat a big courier from my house. Exactly on my birthday? Mum is always good at arranging the date. There are presents and cards from home. I got what I wish for this year’s birthday. The wish list dah pun pass dekat parents since last month. They asked for it! Bukan I mintak. But I don’t mind if they do not give me anything. Cukuplah mereka sayangkan saya sepenuh hati. Dah cukup segala penat lelah, makan pakai yang diberikan. Tapi who is not happy kan? A bvlgari bracelet from mama and a pink VAIO from papa. Memandangkan my acer dah kerap memberi masalah. I just wished. But if its come true, who can say NO kan. ;). Oh happy happy.

I havent ON the lappy yet. I got no time because I have to rush to lecture at 11am. Actually I skipped a tutorial this morning sebab last night I celebrated with my love until 3am. Crazy him. I felt weird at first sebab he acted strage since the evening. After he sent me to fetch the car, saya ajak lunch sama-sama pun dia cakap buzy. Saya minta tolong tengokkan kelisa tu takut ada apa-apa problem pun dia kata tak sempat. Then saya ajak dinner sama-sama pun dia kata dia ada hal. I almost cry sebab fikir kenapa dia nak avoid me. Sedih gile.

I totally forgot my birthday (never happened before in my life) until 10pm when my mum called to wish me. She was afraid that dia akan miss the 12am wish sebab dia sangat penat dan nk tidur awal. Saya pun pergi tidur awal sebab dah sedih. Dengan perut lapar dan keseorangan pulak kat rumah. yaya belum balik fieldwork dan kakmin tak balik rumah lagi masa tu. Terlelap kejap saja macam baru dapat satu mimpi, terkejut sebab dengar hon kuat depan rumah. Saya takut even nak jenguk dari tingkap pun tak berani. But the honk kept singing right infront of the gate. I mean honk honk yang kalau lama sikit aje lagi akan ada jiran keluar baling lesung batu.

Saya masih degil tak nak keluar. So, he had to call me. Kesian, surprise tak menjadi. Hik hik. He called and asked me to open the door. But when I opened the door tu it was still a surprise la sebab dia dah lighted the candles on the cake and sang loudly from infront of the gate. Saya tak sangka dia akan nyanyi kuat2 macam tu. Gile la dia.

Saya tutup muka sebab malu.. Segan nanti jiran keluar tengok. But in my heart sebenarnya I almost jumping and ran to get him.

It was never in my life that I met that crazy yet romantic boyfriend like him.

He asked me to blow the candle. Masa tu saya kat dalam pagar dan dia kat luar pagar. Saya potong kek pun dari dalam pagar. Haha. Macam tak ingat nak buka pintu pagar pulak. Funny.

We then went out for dinner sebab saya cakap saya lapar. Went to Tanjung Aru then after dinner we just jalan-jalan tepi pantai. There were another people there so kami pun berani stay sana. Kalau tak ada orang jangan berani2 nanti cari masalah pula.

I felt like I don’t want anyone else in my life except him. At that time i just want to capture the moment with my foot touched the sands and my hand in his hand.

I love you so much kevin.

How to live a longer life ?

There's a lecturer gave us a very tricky topic today for a short assignment.

How To Live A Longer Life

Immediately came to our mind things like

eat healthy food

exercise regularly

But I want to write something more interesting. and unique!

Still thinking but i dont have any better idea now. Maybe i need a glass of full cream milk.

Any idea my friends out there?

How To Live A Longer Life ?

Update. Thanks people =)

Neeya_deeya said to love a longer lifeis with love and to be love

Cahayachenta said always smile.. learn to forgive and forget...

Fazira said One way of to live longer is to be happy. Happy with ur life. Happy with the one u live with. Happy with the surronding.Without stress. Love and be happy with everything u do and live happily with everyone u live. Scientist Ada cakap satu senyuman Dan gembira sudah cukup utk memanjangkan hayat manusia. Kalau every seconds? Hehehhe

MrK said Marry as many young girls as I can. kajian mengatakan lelaki akan hidup lebih lama jika mengahwini gadis muda.

Lifesaver said happy always

cikpida said laughter is the best medicine

Datang juga...

Okeylah orang kata kalau kita benar-benar mengharapkan seseorang itu datang, dia pasti akan dapat rasa dan akan datang juga kan?

Yes you are right.

Brpppp...alhamdulillah

Dah kenyang, baru habis makan Stella punya ikan kukus, the bestest in KK.

But its not all about the food...

Selamat malam.

=)

Party party party

I asked him not to come but im still waiting for him. ?????? Blahhh. That sounds crazy. but this is it. Hate this uneasy feelings.

Demmmmm Demmmmmmmmm

urgghhhh !

Watched this many times already since 9pm...