Displaced

Sitting here extremely bored aching in the abdomen which indicates that I will soon reach that period of the month. Not intended. Actually intended. I planned it out at the back of my head before typing it out. I am not spontaneous.

This morning, I open my right eye and stare straight into the sun. It's Merdeka dayyy. And it's ray, the one piercing me is strong and bright and powerful. And it hurts.

I used my right hand as a shield. But it soon gets sun burnt so I take it away and rub it with lotion. I hate lotion. I hate the way it looks. The way it is spelt. The way the l and o come before tion. I hate the way it feels and the way it smells. The way you're supposed to rub it in but the skin can only absorb that minimal an amount, leaving a layer of slippery stuff on you. Sick. The idea of it makes me feel nauseous.

I use dove. Only because I got it in a gift basket from mama a few months ago. She thinks that my skin is dry and lifeless like her yang sudah 40-an. I disagree, but then worry a little bit and smother it all over me. I now look and feel like a discolored seal.

I am feeling displaced today.. but quite happy. I am happy because i received a parcel from my beloved one yesterday. he said that he wanted to get in the parcel to come to see me..but he could not fit. but he said that his heart fit. thanks for the love you sent me together with the Coach. i love Coach. i mean i love you.

Tanggal 31

Tanggal 31
Bulan lapan lima puluh tujuh
Merdeka ! Merdeka !
Tetaplah merdeka
Ia pasti menjadi sejarah

Tanggal 31
Bulan lapan lima puluh tujuh
Hari yang mulia
Hari bahagia
Sambut dengan jiwa yang merdeka

Mari kita seluruh warga negara
Ramai-ramai menyambut hari merdeka
Merdeka !
Tiga satu bulan lapan lima puluh tujuh
Hari mulia negaraku merdeka


Kalau di KL, malam merdeka, kami memang jarang keluar menyambut merdeka. tak pernah keluar tengok konsert dan bunga api. papa cakap orang ramai sangat. nanti adik hilang [-.-]'
papa memang tak suka sangat kalau anak-anak dia keluar sambut tahun baru atau merdeka. bahaya nak drive malam la.. nanti nak balik tengah malam ada mat rempit kat tengah jalan lagi bahaya. that's it. tak perlu lagi tanya banyak kali. =)

Kami kadang-kadang menonton movie yang berunsurkan kemerdekaan. cintakan tanah air. papa has a row of that kind of tape. Leftenan Adnan, saya paling suka Bukit Kepong. Betul mengesankan. sampai kadang-kadang mengalirkan air mata. lihat isteri-isteri meratapi kematian wiranya. i wish malam-malam merdeka ni, di TV akan menayangkan cerita-cerita macam ni.

Selamat Hari Merdeka ke 53 tahun

Sayang Malaysia, sayang bendera Malaysia. kepada Indonesia, kami maafkan kamu !

Nice gadget you should try : Web Pages referring to this page

Found this nice gadget in blog peej. sebab ternampak my blog among the top referer to her blog. =) hehe. hye peej !

Its nice kalau u all letak dalam blog u all, sebab from there u boleh tahu blog/website mana yang merefer kepada blog u.
Macam blog owner or reader dari blog A, klik link your blog dari blog dia, so it appears dekat list tu. turutannya, saya percaya mengikut kekerapan orang datang dari situ la. lagi ramai, lagi kat atas nama blog tu.

dan ia sentiasa berubah..tak pasti dia berubah every minit ke atau every day. sebab just tried it yesterday, tak perasan lagi.

contoh yang saya baru capture tadi seperti di bawah. U boleh tengok the real one kat side bar sebelah kanan ni --->

If U klik Expand this list tu, u boleh tengok list seperti di bawah pula, ia detailkan lagi ada title blog, ada adress, dan sesetengah ada gambar blog.



Nice kan?

Anyway, nak thanks kepada referer-referer blog ini. tanpa anda siapalah belog saya. isk.

BLOG SAYA BLOG ANDA JUGA..KEPALA OTAK ANDAwadefuk.blogspot.com
kimoradilautbirukimoradilautbiru.blogspot.com
::Insan Tinggi::zacksygfaiz.blogspot.com
Bloganisabloganexasafe.blogspot.com
The Other Khairultheotherkhairul.blogspot.com
Wonder Worldwonderloveworld.blogspot.com
tomorrow is never guaranteedonebonez.blogspot.com
~ Cute Wifey Jots ~ambiaziz.blogspot.com
MiSS iZZatinoorizzati86.blogspot.com
http://www.zieladalady.blogspot.com/www.zieladalady.blogspot.com
+ The truth and lies of life +foreverdelliecad.blogspot.com
Its All About Me...!!~rabiatulrashid.blogspot.com
TIN KOSONGdiariwany.blogspot.com
little labi labi_daily random storieslittlelabilabi.blogspot.com
GET TWIST HEREyima0908.blogspot.com
rahsia hati.....: Cerita seorang Putera.aliadijamina.blogspot.com/2010/03/cerita-seorang-putera.html
Skema itu HOTwww.dangobunny.com
http://r-niey.blogspot.com/r-niey.blogspot.com
.::My Sadness My Happiness::.misswanie.blogspot.com
.::All My Life::.lynda-allmylife.blogspot.com
Syazana Life,Love & .......syaz-blink2.blogspot.com
..Macam-Macam Sayacrisda79.blogspot.com
~Teratak Usang Adnilsa~rey-adnilsa.blogspot.com
Noreen's Blognoreenruszalin.blogspot.com
♥~PuteriBunian~♥abangcintasayang.blogspot.com
KisahSyaidakisahsyaida.blogspot.com
..:: mY LiFe iS Like a RainBoW ::..mylifesisarainbow.blogspot.com
~L.O.V.E~bakawali0797.blogspot.com
Mimpimimpisiangmalam.blogspot.com
Golden Gardenwww.space4lady.blogspot.com
worth.itfarahwakaka.blogspot.com
belog si dot dot dot ohh !sibellabongsu.blogspot.com
Big girl don't cryizrinhana.blogspot.com
List Bloggerslistbloggers.blogspot.com
tHis is da st0ry of a gUrL..www.twistedlyfated.blogspot.com
...A Kitty Katz Tales...5ha5ha8lackkatz.blogspot.com
MyHeart,A ThousandPiecesannafadzlynn.blogspot.com
be herself.self love.and alot of it.enizzz.blogspot.com
nana's worlddaniaqistinacutehaha.blogspot.com
peej.burhan: adakah mereka puasa atau tak sebenarnya?peejburhan.blogspot.com/2010/08/adakah-mereka-puasa-atau-tak-sebenarnya.html
.....Repeater's Blog.....myrepeaters.blogspot.com
MY CERiTAfatinygindah.blogspot.com
:: People are alive coz i Cant own a GuN! ::lilreddevil79.blogspot.com
grammatical errorhantugiladidi.blogspot.com
itS aLL aBoUt JouRNeywww.joegrimjow.blogspot.com
~once in a lifetime~www.frostsakura.blogspot.com
n[A]mhznamhz.blogspot.com
Myzzz NoOr...noonenoname.blogspot.com
The Steps of life: A joyful month of ramadhan..rozen91.blogspot.com/2010/08/joyful-month-of-ramadhan.html
.unadin.blogspot.com
~~blog cik shidah~~myluvirwanshidah.blogspot.com
DaStoryBeginswww.dastorybegins2.blogspot.com
saya punya okey!akucornetto.blogspot.com
oh, saya bakal ibu! ^_^: Vday ^_^penmerahvspenbiru.blogspot.com/2010/02/vday.html
kerrynielnielkerryniel.blogspot.com
Drama Queenkhairinazaiki.blogspot.com
M.e.M.o.R.i.E.schocolatierz-memories.blogspot.com
atEe's: August 2010atiehalmy.blogspot.com/2010_08_01_archive.html
esen0108esen0108.blogspot.com
unpredictable me~full of luv or miserable~www.mydarleeluv4eva.blogspot.com
HIDUP MEMANG BEGINI.hehkucingkucuking.blogspot.com
http://her-story-again.blogspot.com/her-story-again.blogspot.com
dari KL ke KK~www.muzimuzi.blogspot.com
nurul hazwaniwaninurul.blogspot.com
Cerita tentang hidupnoezsh.blogspot.com
Rina's Blog List!rinastoriesbloglist.blogspot.com
ADE AKU KESAH!!!maituty-90.blogspot.com
My Orange Bookbukujinggasaya.blogspot.com
Dear My Blogsayangsayangsayang.blogspot.com
addictedoneloveonlyjiwakosong91.blogspot.com
my-so-called-scrumptious-lifeoh-blab.blogspot.com
-eLyNhere-elynwan.blogspot.com
. . . . . . D . E . N . I . . . . . .miss-ikan.blogspot.com
i'm not a loseraliaa-chan.blogspot.com
MERAPU MEREPEK SI NELLYnaliaziz.blogspot.com
Aku.Kamu.Dia.Merekaquziegambate.blogspot.com
♥ Pabila Faten Membebel ♥kiminggo-rahman.blogspot.com
MieZa yAnG SuKa MaKanazymemyza.blogspot.com
http://www.arizaimza.blogspot.com/www.arizaimza.blogspot.com
Macham Iz Punye: Kena dumped.sayesayangiz.blogspot.com/2010/04/kena-dumped.html
I'm Philophobia,watermelankolia.blogspot.com
::little.heaven.0f.mine::www.nisanains.blogspot.com
INI BLOG NONOiniblognono.blogspot.com
♥ aku-si-sepet ♥okeyakublur.blogspot.com
ShaQeeRahwww.hariq-sha.blogspot.com
aisyahrahim.blogspot.comaisyahrahim.blogspot.com
Resembling a Book resemblingabook.blogspot.com

Adakah anda ada dalam list ni?

Kalau tak ada, mesti anda tidak meletak link saya dalam blog anda. Haaa..apa lagi? letak la, letak la. Hahaha

Kepada yang nak cuba gadget ni silalah http://referer.org/
(copy create your own list tu. paste dekat HTML kat side bar blog u all)

Sharing is caring

Daaa...!!

Two different things

Tengahari tadi, Jen bawa clara dan adiknya balik kampung.
Tak ada siapa nak jaga anak-anaknya bila dia nak keluar bekerja nanti. Mother in law dia tak mahu jaga Clara lagi. Kalau saya tidak ada komitmen study. saya dah ambil clara. biar saya jaga.
Boleh rasa tak macamana hati saya menjerit bila tengok Jen keluar bawa anak-anak dia. Bawa clara. Saya keluar hantar clara ke tepi jalan. saya peluk dia dan cium pipi dia.
Saya cakap.

"Clara take care ok. Nana love you"

Dia jawab "Okey" sambil angguk-angguk. Dia tak faham apa yang sedang berlaku sekarang. Saya bagi Jen duit sikit. Buat tambang ke, beli makan budak-budak ke. Duit tu mama yang suruh bagi. dia dah transferkan sejak semalam lagi.

Saya tanya mama sama ada kami boleh buat something dengan Clara. Mama cakap, kita tengok dulu macamana keadaan Jen. Tak boleh bagi tekanan pada dia sekarang. Then how about clara? Mama cakap, apa-apa pun kita kena fikir jalan terbaik untuk membantu.
But for the time being. I pray for Clara safety and happiness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Petang nya, tidak mahu terus melayan kesedihan, saya keluar ke KK nak beli sugar paper untuk projek. Masa kat kedai stationery tu dapat sms dari sidd

*Yana, kita berbuka sama hari ni?*

Saya reply *Tak. saya kat luar*

*Saya cari awak kat luar lah*

*Tak nak*

*Ok. Fine. Tapi kenapa tak nak?*

*Dont feel like seeing you*

*What? Why ???*

*Nothing. Lain kali ya*

*Ok. But you weirdo*

*Sorry...*

*Ada problem?*

*X ada*

*Ok. Jaga diri*

*Ten Q*


Kenapa kalau jumpa Sidd, saya selalu rasa rindu sangat pada Kevin? Sangat-sangatttt...
Bila tengok Sidd, teringat dengan Kevin. W T F. Thats why kalau tengah rindu gile dengan Kevin, saya tak mahu jumpa Sidd.

Sokay babe!

Bila kevin hantar sms

"Sorry, so busy lately. Miss you so much"

Saya jawab

"Sokay babe!"

Padahal...menyalahkan keadaan terus-terusan. Bila saya busy, dia free, bila dia busy saya free. bila saya sedih, dia busy. bila dia sedih, saya happy. Susahnya berjauhan. Kev, bila u nak balik?
I rindu..sampai pukul 3 pagi pun tersedar teringatkan u...

Masakan yang sedih

Sahur pagi tadi

Saya : Kakmin, kenapa makan sikit je
Kakmin : Tak selera lah yana
Saya : Ke lauk ni tak sedap?
Kakmin : Sedap je..akak je tak selera
(Kakmin mmg baik hati, tak pernah nak cakap tak elok kat orang)

Saya : Yaya?
Yaya : Nape..
Saya : Dah siap ke?
Yaya : Dah
Saya : Tak tambah?
Yaya : Kenapa kau masak rasa lain je hari ni..
Saya : Lain macamana?
Yaya : Tak macam biasa..biasa sedap je.
Saya : Aku pun rasa macam tu. Macam ada tak kena. nak kata tawar, semua rasa cukup.
Yaya : Kau sedih eh?

Pernah tengok cerita The Ramen Girl tak? Lakonan Late Brittany Murhphy tu. Kalau movie perempuan tu berlakon, tengok 10 kali pun tak bosan. Memang kelakar. Semua watak tu kena je dgn karakter dia. Tapi sayanglah dia dah tak ada. Miss her. Oh tu bukan point yang nak diceritakan ni. Tapi ada satu scene dalam cerita Ramen Girl tu menunjukkan kalau kita masak dengan hati tak gembira, dengan hati sedih, maka masakan kita akan rasa tak sedap. Tak ceria. Orang yang makan tu pun boleh rasa sedih. siap teringat perkara-perkara sedih dan menangis meraung bagai masa makan masakan tu.

Like betul juga. Macam apa yang berlaku pagi tadi. Saya masak untuk sahur, masak ikan masak kicap. Used to be yaya & kakmin’s favourite. Biasa kalau saya masak, diaorang mesti makan nasi bertambah. Tapi turn out tak sedap langsung. Tak ada feel dalam masakan tu. Macam kosong. Tengok kakmin dan yaya makan pun macam sedih aje. Tsk. Mungkin sebab hati saya tidak berapa ceria,…sedih. Masakan pun jadi sedih.

jadi, kalau nak masak, hati mesti gembira okey!

What is human?

What is humanity? How can I embrace it? Do I have to look That way? Or, what about That way? With my baby hairs pinned back behind her ears? I don't know. What is perfection? Why perfection? Does perfection exist? Is it attainable? Yes? Then what. Is it sustainable? No. I can never keep my new white t-shirts spotless. Not even if I lock it up in cling-wrap. It wrinkles. If I wear it out, it gets stained with soya sauce. Where is the Basis of Humanity?

Kejadian malam tadi

Always wondering what will happen to Jen and her 2 children plus the unborn one, if anything happen to her husband.
Especially to Clara.
And it happened last night.
At about 2am, polis datang rush rumah Jen.
Bunyi bising mengejutkan kami.
Dan suaminya kena tangkap.
Saya tak pasti atas kesalahan apa lagi.
Saya tiada kekuatan untuk bertanyakan Jen bila melihatkan dia dalam keadaan begitu sedih.
Lepas suami dia diambil polis dalam ½ jam, family in law Jen datang satu kereta.
Ingatkan untuk berkongsi kesedihan bersama Jen.
Tapi tidak, Jen pula yang dimarah dan dimakinya.
Harsh words boleh dengar sebiji sebiji.
Kita orang keluar. Defend Jen.
Thought we were not that brave.
Tapi bila ramai melawan seorang, itu tak adil.
Kalau berani, satu lawan satu lah.
We went out and took jen and the crying children into our house.
The mother inlaw said jangan masuk campur.
But its too late. Jen is our friends. Friend protect friend.
Nak lebih-lebih kita panggil polis je.
They left after we told them we wanted to call the police.
Jen tidur di rumah kami malam tadi.
Kami tak benarkan dia balik.
I don’t know if I can be as strong as her.
But maybe the children made her stronger.
Myself and yaya left to campus at 7.30am today.
Sekarang tunggu next lecture at 11am.
Lepas tu nak balik tengok macamana keadaan mereka kat rumah.
It’s gonna be a harder time for Jen after this.

Sorry, just sharing with you..emosi saya pun terganggu sikit.

1,111 twits today

1,111 twits today. That's not so many compared to others. But it's kinda fun weyhhh reading people's twit everyday...trust me.

And you can also follow me here ! If you like too..;)

Cuppy cakes

Arrived KK airport last night at about 12pm already. Sidd picked me up from the airport and sent me home. Takut malam-malam nak naik teksi. Before balik rumah singgah makan. Kira macam supper + sahur sekali lah tu. By the time we reached home, dah pukul 1 lebih.

Rupanya Yaya dan kakmin belum tidur. Tau apa diaorang tengah buat? Tengah buat cup cakes! Hari ni kakmin ada jamuan buka puasa kat ofis dia. So dia nak bawak something untuk majlis tu. Boleh pula last minit teringat nak buat cupcakes. Apalagi, join la menghias cupcakes tu. Think comel2 juga but not to people expectations la sebab first time buat. Ada yang comot, ada yang konon nak buat POOH tapi nampak cam cencurut, ada Sleeping Beauty tapi macam sleeping ugly, ada ultraman tapi macam ultralalat. Buat design bunga, selamat. Hehe



We slept at nearly 4am. Tu yang pagi tadi mengantuk gile nak bangun gi kuliah pun tak boleh. Tapi bila ingatkan dah 2 hari memonteng, gagahkan jugalah bangun. Walaupun mata macam garfield.

Nasib baik lecturer best. Tak mengantuk dengar lawak dia. Lepas lecture pergi jumpa Prof K pasal saya punya final project. Dia tanya kenapa saya jarang pergi jumpa dia. Ehmm..think after this kena selalu tunjuk muka dengan dia. Sebenarnya im not the type of student yang 24/7 nak jumpa prof..tak faham sikit cari prof, ada masalah sikit cari prof. Saya tak reti nak buat macam tu. Sometimes its good. You’ll be closed to prof so that prof will acknowledge you. It helps when they are giving project paper/test marks. Tapi tengok prof la jugak. But gosh there are lecturer who are bias! Cant help with that. I just want to pass the final project. And finish my study. That’s all.

Can’t wait to see clara today. Pagi tadi tak sempat tengok dia, mungkin Jen keluar lagi awal dari saya. Petang / malam nanti dia ada kat rumah lah. Tak sabar nak bagi baju yang saya belikan tu untuk dia cuba. Tak sabar nak huggg and kissss her.

hasta la vista

I don't ever want to go back to campus!
Obviously different feeling with when Kevin was there.

Actually I do. I mean I would. But not quite yet. Okay wait. Change my mind. I suddenly feel extremely empty. And hollow. Inside. It cannot because I'm hungry. Ohhhh no. but i think I miss clara so much. Yeah, quite possibly...

weekend was awesome. With family of course la. Jamuan berbuka dan doa selamat on Sunday. We invited our closed relatives dan jiran-jiran sahaja. Dan my uncle bawa kanak-kanak dari rumah anak yatim dalam 10 orang. Mama tempah semua makanan so we all tak ada la busy memasak. Cuma mengemas saja. I invited several friends also. Itupun last minit ada yang tak dapat datang.

Monday went out for shopping2 raya. Bought 3 pasang baju kat butik kawan mama. I like the one simple with not much beads but mama wants me to wear baju kebaya with tones of beads. So bling bling. Terpaksa juga pakai nanti. Mama cakap im not a small girl anymore. Dah muda remaja sesuai lah nak pakai yang bersulam manik semua tu. Alright.

And I bought 2 helai gaun untuk clara. As if she will celebrate raya with us pulak. The raya in London thingy, I believe its going to be true. Pity papa pula macam rindu sangat nak pergi sana jumpa adik dia. Tapi dalam hati masih rasa tak puas hati. Like it or not, kena lah saya ikut. Tsk..so sad.

Last year I remember Kevin belikan saya sepasang baju kurung. But most probably this year tak ada lah. mana ada jual baju kurung kat sana. Ada ke? Unless dia nak balik sambut raya di sini. tapi kenapa pula dia nak balik sambut raya? Mesti dia balik time Christmas nanti.

Tapi kan rasa macam nak belikan Kevin sepasang baju melayu lagi. boleh juga, poskan untuk dia as a surprise. I did give him last year. Think I should la ..

Just about done with this entry. I am packing my things now. My flight is tonight . dah ponteng kelas 2 hari. Pandainyeee… we all akan berbuka kat luar nanti then terus ke airport. See you tomorrow then. Ba bye !

Arianna can't resist tempting foods for majlis buka puasa

sotong kangkungs




BBQ chicken




Rojak buah




Grilled


And many more..
Alhamdulillah..
Berkongsi rezeki di bulan Ramadhan yang mulia. Menjemput beberapa orang anak yatim ikut serta. Makanan jadi lebih sedap bila makan bersama mereka....


Still in KL..told you..haha

Flying home today

He never failed to wake me up for sahur yet this year. Sama macam last year dia ada di sini. Sometimes sebab dia stay up late to study. but even he did not stay up also dia akan kunci jam dan bangun untuk kejutkan saya sahur and make sure saya bangun. macam dia pula kena sahur. how special he is. tak pernah jumpa lelaki macam dia sebelum ni.

No. Nothing happen. Just tiba-tiba teringat dengan dia. how i wish dapat jumpa dia di hari raya. but it wont happen lah. dont dream. im at one part of the world and he is at another.
Kevin, i miss you so much. Seriously kadang-kadang jatuh air mata bila dengar suara dia di telefon. Emotional la pulak.

I'm packing up! Ada 1 kelas saja pagi ni jam 11 then balik rumah. siap2...petang ke airport. most probably sidd hantarkan sebab malas nak naik teksi sorang-sorang. kalau dengan yaya tak pe. sidd yang offer nak hantar so apa lah lagi.

my mum will wait for me at KLIA. katanya esok nak buat sikit jamuan buka puasa. mama ambil catering saja untuk makanan so we won't be busy preparing and cooking. lagipun dia cakap i must be tired and want to spent more time with family. how understanding lah my mama tu. =) heheee...dia tahu anak dia tak berapa nak rajin. will be in KL till monday. or sambung cuti, MC or whatever kalau rasa malas nak balik kampus lagi...teettt

Ehmmm...till later lah. wish me a safe journey back home. So tonight dapatlah makan onde-onde

So not fair..

Am not really cool with parents idea of going to spend this hari raya holiday in London. Last year we all tolak pelawaan paksu johan untuk beraya di sana. this year papa cakap, let's go. [-.-]" We did that several times when I was still schooling. Maybe at that time raya di sana was awesome. Get to meet my beloved uncle and his family. Spent the time visiting shopping mall instead of relative’s house felt like no problem at all. Pagi-pagi pergi solat sunat hari raya di Masjid Regents. Lepas tu ke Malaysia Hall open house. The feelings were great. I enjoyed every moment of it. But this year? I don't feel like enjoying the style of celebrating raya. saya nak raya di Kuala. Rasa macam tak nak pergi. Parents want me to follow them. Saya baru je terfikir nak bawa clara balik raya di KL =(
So not fair.

Listen to this

Our fridge, is a joke. There is nothing to eat. Literally. Nothing. There are about 3 apples, 1 orange, a bottle of jam, 2 almost empty bottles of mustard, chicken frankfurter (but I hate this brand coz it shrunk after you fry it), eggs (mama says I should eat not more than 1 egg yolk a day, and I had one already during sahur), a cup of youghurt, condiments.. Soy milk.. But that is about it. I can’t cook anthing with those.

I need canned tuna or canned chicken soup. Quite pathetic, really... And the heat. The heat, is killing me.

I want to go back to KL.

Is that an excuse? For not having enough food in the fridge????

But mama says okey and had sent me the e-ticket today.

Pasar ramadhan BK 4, and Taman Equine too..i hope you still remember me. We met last ramadhan several times. And I’m gonna see you again on Friday !

Herbal soup eh? [-..-]

Dah sihat dah. Thanks for the wishes. Kalau lebih dari 40 orang doakan, orang kata akan dimakbulkan. Harap dah lebih 40 orang doakan saya supaya cepat sembuh. Ada la rasa sikit-sikit lemah badan tapi got to be strong. Siapa nak jaga saya di sini kalau tak kuat semangat. Tak boleh manja-manja.

Tadi Kevin sempat skype saya masa dia dalam lecture. Sibuk dia pesan suruh jaga diri. Dia kata kalau susah-susah biar dia balik sini jaga saya. Psikotik lah dia.

Kevin : I ask stella to cook for you today..
Me : No need. I don’t want to eat. No appetite lah.
Kevin : She said she can cook herbal soup for you. Good for stomach ache and fever.
Me : Tak nak. I don’t like herbs.
Kevin : I ask her to send to you okey.
Me : Jangan susahkan dia lagi. The other day dah datang bawa food kann.
Kevin : Then macamana nak bagi u minum sup tu?
Me : Okeylah I pergi ambil nanti petang ok. Puas hati?
Kevin : Sounds better. Jangan lupa.
Me : Okey, okey.

Herbal soup?
Yarkhhh…

Suddenly thinking..halal ke soup tu nanti? Takutlah nak tanya,, takut nanti stella terasa pula. Pergi ambil sajalah kan. Nanti tengoklah nak minum ke tidak. but normally stella faham tentang makanan halal dan haram..

Segan juga nak ke rumah dia. Biasanya pergi dengan kevin. Tapi hari ni pergi sendiri saja. Kalau clara ada boleh bawa dia sama. Kuranglah sikit rasa segan. See how lah

Better than yesterday

Feeling good when i woke up this morning. Harap kesakitan begini tidak akan berulang lagi. Serik bila ingat masa masuk wad dulu. Dan serik bila pagi semalam, pukul 3 pagi sakit yang seakan sama berulang.

And to the worst, there was no one at home. I was all alone. Thought of calling the ambulance, but i called kevin. Who is thousands of miles away. So stupid of me. But he was in my mind the minute i felt the pain. I did not want to call my parents, dont want to make them worry.

Kevin panicked more than myself. He was the one who called sidd and asked for his hand to send me to the clinic coz i said that i could not drive. Really. Tangan shaking menahan sakit, macamana nak drive.. Sidd arrived about 1/2 hour later. Tapi rasa macam 4 jam menunggu dia. He helped me to get into his car and speeding like crazy. Told him i dont want to die twice, stomach ache and accident at the same time. He scolded me. kevin called every 5 minutes, i could not talk much and so did sidd who was driving, i scolded kevin. bhaha.

Doctor cakap mungkin gastrik. angin atau salah makan. she gave me medicine and MC for 2 days. Thank god sebab lepas balik rumah terus kena demam. Then vomitted 3 times. I felt so weak. Sidd called in the afternoon and told that he would be sending lunch for me. I said i didnt want to eat but he sent it anyway.

Yaya came back in the evening dan terus masuk dalam bilik saya dan peluk saya. She said sorry she didnt know. I texted her but her phone was out of batt and he slept at her friend's hostel that night i felt sick. Not her fault.

I didnt tell mama or papa. Since i feel better today, i wont tell.
Hope i will be fine fine fine...i got test tomorrow. and not fasting for 2nd day today. rugi.
ok, nak study. later okey.

"Real With Me"

I'm sure you will like this too...

I'll never catch a shooting star
or call ya out on who ya really are
i know im not the one you wanna win
it's a losin game
so i'm losin it

and i'm surprised we got this far
with that barricade but i want more
i would be a fool to let you let me quit

CHORUS
and maybe you should just say somethin
you havent rehearsed-but that leaves nothin
along with me-you've neglected the urge to be real
real with me,
if i'd ask for one thing
just say i love you
but i know you wont blink
truth wont pass your lips-i know
stop pretending

i'm not susprised i let you in this far so it's
it's safe to say that i still adore you
i'm not the one who started this
and i wont back down
so keep pushin it
and on the day that you came undone
that day was the last day that i felt home
so i would be a fool to let you let me quit

CHORUS

And it was never about what you were not
but i dont know how much longer i can hold on
hooooold onnnn

Chorus

Stop pretending

MC

I’m on MC today and tomorrow and still sick.
Not only stomach ache, tapi dah demam sekali.
Went to the clinic at 3am. Lucky got sidd to help to send me to the clinic because i could not drive.
Talk to you again when I feel better.

Ohhh sakit

Hari ni lepas balik dari rumah kak mai tenghari tadi, terus rasa tak sedap perut. sakit macam ada angin tapi tak dapat keluar. kot. memulas-mulas. letak minyak angin semua pun tak elok. tapi teruskan juga puasa sebab sayang lah nak buka. baring je dalam bilik. tadi berbuka dengan cornflakes + fresh milk saja. tak selera nak makan. lagipun sorang saja di rumah. nak masak pun malas. call mama, mama cakap hari ni mama masak ayam percik, daging panggang air asam dan kerabu kerang. Terus pengsan.

Bersungkai di mana?

Sayunya hati ni bila duduk sorang dalam bilik pagi-pagi dan dengar lagu raya Airmata Syawal Siti Nurhaliza. Rasa sekarang juga nak balik KL. Sedih tauu…. :,(

Malam tadi Clara tidur di rumah saya. Bila bangun sahur tadi pukul 4, dia pun ikut tersedar dan makan nasi sama-sama. Comel je dia pun nak makan nasi sama-sama dengan kita orang. Pagi tadi kakmin yang masak. Dia goreng daging dan masak kicap ikan tenggiri. Sedapnyaa…macam masakan mama pulak rasanya. Saya buatkan milo panas. Berselera pulak rasa macam makan berbuka je, bukan bersahur.

Hari ni nak pergi bersungkai (‘buka puasa’ ) rumah kakmai, my kakak angkat kat Kinarut. Dia call semalam ajak balik ke sana. Memang dah lama pun tak balik. Kata kakmai semua rindukan saya. Hai orang sabah ni memang baik-baik lah. tu yang sayang sabah tu..=)

Malam ni mungkin tidur kat sana jelah kot. weekend tak ada kuliah boring juga. tak ada buat apa-apa, tak ada nak keluar ke mana-mana. Kalau yaya nak ikut, ajak dia sama. Biasanya kalau saya balik kinarut, macam-macam makanan tempatan lah yang mamak masak nanti. Dia memang sengaja masak makanan yang tak ada kat semenanjung. Suka suruh saya cuba. Tapi most of the foods sangat sedap. Tp ada juga certain yang saya tak boleh makan, macam umai tu. Yang ikan mentah perap dengan limau, bawang dan cili semua tu.

Ada call mama malam tadi sebab mama nak cakap dengan clara. Then bgtahu dia saya rasa macam nak balik weekend next week. Rindu nak puasa dan berbuka sama-sama family. Mama kata okey je, dia book kan tiket nanti. yeyyy !.. Rindu nak pergi pasar ramadhan juga. Kat sini tak ada sangat orang jual kuih2 macam kat KL. Kalau ada pun macam kuih biasa je, bingka, cucur dan pisang goreng. Pisang goreng untuk berbuka? Itu torture namanya…[-..-]".

Saya nak makan kuih puteri mandi, buah tanjung, tahi itik. Aaa macam tu punya kuih.

OKeylah, nak kemas bilik dulu sebelum bergerak ke kinarut. Bilik pun dah macam tongkang pecah. Bz sgt minggu ni.
Till later.

Pleasant conversation

Last night…at 11pm. I dial kevin’s number.

Myself : Hello..can you call me back please.
Kevin : Okey. I…

Tak sempat dia nak cakap apa, I dah end call. Save budget. Hoho! =P

Kevin : Hello sayang… (berdebar dengar suara dia. Tak tahu kenapa. Macam first time bercakap kat telefon)
Myself : Hye..how are you?
Kevin : Fine. And you?
Myself : Never been great ! (saja nak sakitkan hati dia..hihi)
Kevin : Good…
Myself : What are you doing?
Kevin : Waiting for your call.
Myself : Since when?
Kevin : Since 5 days, 4 nights, 12 hours, 3 minutes and 20 second ago..
Myself : I’m impressed. But why didn’t you call me?
Kevin : Biar you ambil masa.
Myself : Untuk apa?
Kevin : For your self.
Myself : I don’t understand.
Kevin : I’m sorry for being too far from you. For not suporting you there.
Myself : Is that the issue?
Kevin : I guess.
Myself : Don’t compare you with other people..please..
Kevin : It’s hard to say. Especially when I am the one who is not there.
Myself : You trying to make this complicated.
Kevin : Do you think so?
Myself : Yes, where there shouldn’t be any issue to me
Kevin : I trust you.
Myself : Sidd has anything to do with this?
Kevin : No. He is not. Just my swinging moods maybe
Myself : Emotional imbalance?
Kevin : You got it !
Myself : *Laugh* It is the result of the unbalanced chemistry of your physical brains.
Kevin : Probably. When I really miss to see you.
Myself : Hey! You ingat I tak rindu?
Kevin : Tapi u ada kawan di sana. I tak ada.
Myself : Gotcha! U admit it finally. Are you jealous kev?
Kevin : I should be jealous when my lovely lady is with other guy thousands of miles away from me.
Myself : Please…just want to ask you, can I still be his friend? I don’t want this to be the stupid reason of dumping him as a friend just to make you satisfied where the issue should not arise at all? Come on, we are friends right? Kita 3 orang adalah kawan. I am not flirting with him. It was just a normal outing with friend.
Kevin : Sorry. Are you mad?
Myself : I’m not. Actually… a bit. Was I over reacted?
Kevin : A little..
Myself : I’m sorry okey. I just love you. I tak nak you fikir bukan-bukan. Please kev.
Kevin : Trying hardddd…but i never say that u tak boleh kawan dengan sidd anymore. i know he is a nice guy. and can take care of you. sorry ok.
Myself : No one can replace you. You are so special to me. So kind, so generous. Oh and thanks for the 2 plastic bags of food from stella.
Kevin : I want you to be healthy. I don’t want you to get sick or old when I get back
Myself : Ohwww…sweet nye. Rasa macam nak bunuh diri.
Kevin : Okey, I believe we are doing fine right dear?
Myself : Yeah…of course.
Kevin : I love you sayang
Myself : I love you more. And who’s paying for this call bill?
Kevin : My scholarship.
Myself : So, I better say bye in that case. I don’t want you to come back broke and no Master.
Kevin : *Laugh* okey bye Arianna
Myself : Bye sayang.

Where Rainbows End

The other day, atiqah left a comment to one of my entry, when i was stucked in between love and friendship, suggesting me to read Where Rainbows End. Terima kasih atiqah for the suggestion. She said that it reflects on what is happening between me, kev and sidd.

I was thinking to buy one coz i did not find it in my campus library. but a nice lady contacted me to say that she could lend me the novel. and she is so kind to make arrangement until the book reached my hand this morning. Thanks a lot babe.

I will start reading the novel today.. it can take weeks, months, or ages sebab novel ni tebal juga. hehe.. But hope i will find the answer

Dating with clara

Pagi tadi tak ada kuliah. Woke up at 9am (yeah tats early) and heard suara clara kat luar rumah dia. Miss her. Dah 2 hari tak nampak dia. Saya jenguk nampak clara main-main dengan adiknya. Jen tak kerja rupanya hari ni. Then saya pergi dekat pagar tanya clara

“Clara, you want to follow aunty nana?”

“Yes!” Eh tak bagi tahu lagi nak gi mana terus je nak cakap yes. Bahaya ni kalau orang lain ajak terus cakap nak.

“We buy books ok? ABC books?”

“I have books”

Buku yang clara maksudkan ialah majalah-majalah mama dia. Comel kan.

Asked Jen if I could take her out. Jen would never say NO. dengan saya ok saja. Jen looked tired. Forgot to ask her dah berapa bulan kandungan dia. Looking pale tu biasa ke untuk orang pregnant eh? Risau juga tengok dia.

Guess that clara wants to eat mashed. The other day, saya belikan dia kfc mashed tu, dia suka sangat. So, I stopped by kfc and took her in to tapau. Nasib lah sebab ada bawa budak kan so boleh lah beli makanan siang hari di bulan puasa.

Bought her several books. Tapi toys tak beli sebab hari tu baru belikan dia rumah mainan tu. Nanti kalau everytime beli mainan nanti dia ingat saya akan manjakan dia dengan toys aje pula. That’s not good.

Kalau keluar sama, clara tak bagi banyak masalah. Dia pandai bawa diri. Bila saya drive, dia behave je duduk kat sebelah saya. Pakai tali keledar. A bit oversized la tapi saya tak ada baby car seat nak letakkan dia. Think I should buy one lah kannn…

If kevin and I took her out, kevin akan drive dan saya pangku clara. Macam one happy family je kalau orang tengok. Hihi. Tak apalah berangan-angan. Kalau berangan itu, membahagiakan, why not? =)

Came back at 1pm and sent clara home. Dia mengantuk nak tidur. Kitaorang dah jelajah satu 1B tadi. So tired. Lupa pula berpuasa tapi gigih nak keluar berjalan. Then pergi kuliah pukul 2 for 1 hour. Lepas tu balik rumah. Tadi rasa macam nak masak hari ni. nak masak ikan goreng tauchu. Best juga kan. Tapi tengoklah nanti macamana. Kalau malas, tarik yaya keluar makan luar saja.

Selamat berbuka semua.

Met stella

Told you that stella wanted to meet me tonight kan. she came to my house. we had a loooooooong chat after some times kami tak jumpa.

i actually joined my friend berbuka kat hostel tadi. sebenarnya nak ajak kawan saya tu ke masjid. tapi rupanya dia ber'cuti'. so dia ajak je buka sama-sama kat hostel dia dengan roomate dia. mungkin dia kesian tengok saya yang kurang kasih sayang ni. hehe. anyway, did i sound like orang kurang kasih sayang bila ajak dia teman saya ke masjid hari ni? yeah must be lah. tapi pasrahlah sebab saya memang tak boleh berbuka sendirian. yaya tak sempat balik berbuka. kakmin pun berbuka kat luar. nanti sambil suap makanan sambil lap air mata. dah lah kena ignore dengan someone beberapa hari dah. tsk..

Lepas berbuka dan solat maghrib duduk lepak2 kejap ingat sempat nak gi terawih lepas tu. telekung dah bawak semua. tapi dapat call dari stella. she was coming to see me at my house. jarang dia datang rumah. biasanya jumpa kat luar saja atau saya ke rumah dia. terus kemas-kemas drive balik rumah. sempat singgah tapau some cakes kat kedai runcit. nanti nak buat air tak ada makanan nak angkat pula. she never mention anything, but i bet it's about kevin lah. made me nervous macam sikit lagi nak kena parkinson. masuk lorong ke rumah pun, salah. pegi masuk lorong lain then u-turn keluar balik. truk betul.

sampai rumah sesama sampai dengan stella. cepat-cepat keluar bukakan pagar jemput dia masuk. stella peluk saya, mesra seperti selalu. then dia tunjuk yg dia bawak 2 plastik makanan. kek, biskut, oat, crackers, coklat, jus, indomie and etc.

"Eh kenapa susah-susah ni ?" Terus rasa segan sebab kena bawa buah tangan yang banyak macam tu

Stella jawab "Kevin yang pesan belikan untuk arianna"


Haaa????
Of course la tiba-tiba hati rasa berbunga. I knew it, i knew it! Rasa macam nak cakap macam tu kuat-kuat. He still care about me...senyum sendiri. kalau dia ada masa tu mesti ketuk kepala dia. atau tarik rambut dia.

Tapi! At the same time, segan lah kan dengan stella. Dengan rasa muka tebal 4 inci ambil plastik tu. Rasa cam welfare pulak. Tapi stella siap-siap cakap

"He sometimes crazy. Jangan marah dia ok"

Stella cakap kevin call dia dan pesan suruh belikan makanan bekal untuk saya bulan puasa. untuk sahur especially. sebab dia cakap saya mesti tak ada perasaan nak prepare makanan untuk puasa sebab selalunya sedih jauh dari family. Betul lah tu. saya mana ada beli barang makanan semua. untuk sahur pun apa-apa yang ada tu, makan jelah.

Saya tanya stella, sama ada kevin sihat. stella perasan lah yang kami mungkin ada problem. Stupid me. dia cakap kevin tak cakap apa-apa pun dan macam biasa saja. dia transfer duit dan minta tolong hantarkan makanan ni kat saya. then stella pesan kalau ada apa-apa between us bagitahu dia. saya tak faham kenapa stella pesan macam tu. tapi banyak kali dia cakap, mesti bagitahu dia kalau kami ada masalah.

Ada something ke stella nak sorokkan dari saya. getting confused. thought itu mesti family matter. atau mama kevin? ada plan ke untuk kevin? Atau ada benda yang kevin sendiri tidak jelaskan pada saya.

Whatever lah. Tapi bila cakap macam tu, nampak macam fed up pula kan. saya bukan fed up. tapi sometimes,..penat. saya kan manusia biasa.

Buatkan stella air teh dan potong butter cake yang saya beli. bila bercerita dengan stella tak ada rasa segan-segan. dia memang kakak yang baik. antara yang paling rapat dan paling sayangkan kevin. mungkin sebab bila kevin datang dari sandakan belajar di kk, selalu menumpang rumah stella. sebenarnya stella sangat sporting. just like my dad. you boleh cerita apa saja dan dia akan dengar dengan serius. then bagi pendapat dia yang selalunya menenangkan hati.

stella cakap kevin selalu tanya apa perlu dia lakukan dgn hubungan dia dengan saya. dia risau walaupun dia tak tunjuk. dia tak pernah cakap dengan saya, tapi rupanya dia ada halangan besar untuk bersama saya. sekarang dia cuba buat apa yang parents dia nak. then lepas tu dia kata dia akan teruskan apa yang dia nak pula. but it will take time. with the hope yang saya boleh tunggu dia.

i just listened. walau dalam hati rasa nak menjerit. Cakap dalam diri sendiri, tahan, tahan, air mata jangan keluar. Cuba tunjukkan saya pun kuat pada stella. supaya dia yakin, saya sangat sayangkan adik dia. dan sanggup juga hadapi halangan yang dia ada. saya telan air mata yang mengalir di kerongkong. mesti kuat!

OKey, so loong story pula, tak mau sedih-sedih. yang pastinya, saya masih ada dalam hati kevin. dia tak marah lagi. esok ajelah saya say thank you kat kevin. i guess dia mesti tunggu2 saya contact dia untuk marah dia kenapa nak susahkan stella pula. saya malu. tapi they all memang sweet kan. so closed to each other.

cuma nanti saya mesti clarify juga. sidd macamana. apa kevin nak kata. saya masih nak kawan dgn sidd. harap sidd bukan penyebabnya.

First day

Happy fasting every one.
First day sure tiring kan.
Tapi oklah tu esok lusa, akan terbiasa.
Malam tadi dapat terawih, alhamdulillah.
Insyaallah kalau buleh tak nak tinggal, nak complete semua malam sepanjang ramadhan.
Tapi of course la tak dapat.
Orang lelaki best la kan.
Hari ni rasanya daripada berbuka seorang diri, lagi baik pergi berbuka di masjid.
Lebih ramai, lebih meriah, tidaklah sunyi sangat.
Tidak nanti telefon emak sambil kesat air mata.
Tadi dapat call dari stella, kevin’s sister.
Dah lama tak jumpa dia.
Stella cakap dia nak jumpa saya malam nanti.
Ada hal katanya.
Entah hal apa.
Nervous juga.
Yang pasti, adiknya masih meminggirkan saya
Lamanya memendam rasa.
Entah masih ada sayang lagi atau tidak.

Ramadhan Code

Masih..

Bila dah masuk dewan kuliah selepas lunch dan solat zohor dengan masih berwudhuk dan terasa suci dan segar je..[-.-]”..tapi tiba-tiba diberitahu kuliah cancel sebab lecturer ada emergency. Nak marah, tak sampai hati. Tak nak marah, lagi tak sampai hati. Bila member dengan muka happy keluar dewan semua. Nak happy ke tidak? sebab kalau balik rumah pun tak ada orang. Kakmin kerja, yaya kuliah, clara pun tak ada waktu siang ni, ke rumah nenek dia. Pergi semula ke library lah jawabnya.

Antara tempat favourite saya selain dari berada di tepi pantai. Suka dengan kesenyapan. Suka dengan kekosongan dalam kawasan bunyi. Ngerti? Kalau ada pen jatuh pun orang akan pandang. Silence please!

Membayangkan bila sedang tekun membaca dulu-dulunya, mesti ada orang yang akan datang cuit belakang. Tak pun bisik sikit di telinga. Atau pun dia terus tarik kerusi dan duduk je kat depan tanpa say hye dan pura-pura study dengan khusyuk sampai lah tak tahan nak senyum. Senyuman kecil yang menaikkan sikit tulang pipi. Dan mengecilkan lagi matanya yang memang kecil.

Rindu sangat menyakitkan. Seperti hati yang luka lagi disimbah cuka. Pedih.

Jadi, biarkanlah dulu kekosongan ini diisi dengan aktiviti sendiri. Semoga dia mendapat apa yang dia cari di sana.

You’ve got mail! Pun tiada tanda-tanda juga.

Walau hati, masih berharap.

I'd die for you!

A friend of mine came back from Singapore and rewarded me with this because I took care of her cactus plants. =)

I never see this here. Do you? This is a to-die-for chocolate cookies type. You may want to try it too.

Nom nom !..

Ah suddenly I miss my café world lah. apa dah jadi agaknya. But im too bz to play online games now. Log in to FB pun macam sekali sehari aje. I miss to socializing with you all. hehe

I had a dream

I could feel the missing moment when he kept on silence. May be he is really busy and has no time to even say good morning and good night to me for 2 days already. Last night I dreamt that we are divorced. When we have never been married? That’s the worst. Haha. I could still feel the sadness and a hole in my heart when I woke up today. Seriously SEDIH dan KELAKAR at the same time.

Was that a sign? Take it easy babe.

And I still send him e-mail to say that I’m hoping he has a good day today. Told him that I still need friends even if he is not around. He should not hate my friend. And I will always love him.

Hope I’ll get his reply soon.

Guys, I thought that jealousy should not happen when there is nothing to be jealous of. He knows who is Sidd to me and he knows that sidd would never have any feelings towards me. But that’s complicated though.

Should i fear ?

I went out with Sidd last night. Since there was nothing to do at home and yaya went to sleep at her friend's hostel to do their assignment.

Sidd came to pick me up at about 7 pm selepas saya berbuka puasa. the reason tak nak keluar sebelum berbuka ialah sebab saya dah masak sup ayam untuk buka puasa then only sidd call me. sayang sebab dah masak, so makan la dulu. and i tapau some for sidd, dia kata dah lama tak makan sup ayam. tipu. tapi suka dia lah, lagipun kalau simpan yang lebihnya dah tak ada orang nak makan.

I took along my lappy sebab nak sidd installkan satu program into it. then we went to a cafe at KK to have coffee and to do that. when i just switched on my lappy, i received a text from kevin to say that he wanted to video skype with me to show me something he bought.

That must be something special. i was excited. so, i went online and told him that i was hanging out with sidd. I obviously felt it was not wrong since he already knew that saya sekarang kerap juga hang out dengan sidd. because what? I am lonely. And i don't have any other best friend in KK except Yaya and sidd only.

He was the one at one time asked sidd to take care of me while he is there. but maybe last night he was not really in the mood of seeing me with other guy. silly him of having such feeling. I never thought that but i felt it when i saw his face. it changed.

he did not show me what he bought but suddenly said that he has to go after he waived hye to sidd.

And till now, he disappears.
Why would he just disappear? Only he can answer this, as only he know why.

That's it

Wohhh...u are over react haha.
Cukuplah tu dulu 90 submissions...i have closed the form.
Next time bila ada masa saya buka lagi form tu ye.
Kalau banyak sangat nanti tak sempat nak buat.
Nanti u all marah.
Ni terhegeh-hegeh nak masukkan nama-nama dan blog address semua.
But, i'm happy to link you.
Even u tak link i pun tak kisah.
Nak link kena buat dengan ikhlas.
Baru meriah !