Yes, i am going to visit kevin

I'm a bit nervous instead. Feels like going to have fever anytime now. huh [-.-]'

Ok, i've got approval from my parents after telling the idea to them for.. weeks. Got to promise this and that. Got to swear to mama that i will take care of myself as a grown up girl. I will carry their names and whatever. Got to give the address and kevin's phone no. and even his passport no. which i refused but kevin gave it anyway. They must gone crazy over this. Told papa that this is very important in my life and ask him to trust me. And i cried. Twice! In the process of getting the approval. Which they were finally, yes finally very supportive and said they will even pay for the ticket. Gosh no! We have shared our pocket money for the tickets to bring this to rrreaalll ! Even he had to sacrifice his savings, he wants me to go there.

It is very exciting for me. and so do him as he keeps sending me messages to tell me how he can't wait for my arrival. i should do this as surprise to him, but i'm not familiar with the place that i'm going so i am afraid if i would get lost my self before i get the chance to surprise him by showing up in front of his door!

I just never felt anything with any other guy like the feelings he makes me feel right now. And the understanding and support I always receive from him.

You are truly special, kevin.
Can't wait to be there in front of you, to tell right in front of your face that i really miss you. I'm sure by that time, you will look at me with a bit teary but shining eyes.

So, tomorrow is the day i've been waiting for. will fly to search for my love. Probably gonna spend a week there! and he has promised to take me anywhere i want to go but i guess i don't care as long as i'll always be around him.. =)))).

I know girls always want to make things super special and we tend to worry about the small stuff. Im not an expert on surprising guys..so

Should i show some kind of value and bring him anything?? please give me some advices sebab saya tak dapat berfikir sekarang. over excited made me super dumb. haha.

Road to Australia

Where's my passport??!!!

Wish right now, wish right now !

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)

wuhu!

Been busy this few days due to the final project presentation and I’ve passed it yesterday. Hope it went well and pray for the best. Papa said I should not only pass, I should pass with flying colors! [-.-]’ tingginya harapan seorang ayah.

And I just got back from a meeting with someone at Nexus Resort. I’ve got an offer to work there after I graduate. What a good offer! Dem cool I must say. Working here ? Have a lots of pros and conz now in my mind. So I have to think carefully.

But when I got the offer, what immediately came across my mind is.. clara. I can be near to her all the time if I decide to work here.
And of course near to kevin too.. =)..gosh really miss him had no time to have a chat with him recently.

Guess I went to the interview just for fun or just to try my luck. I don’t know. Before I think that I want to go back to work in KL but since my family also wants to go to bali follow my dad, maybe by accepting this job can keep me staying here! And my dad will agree of my idea of staying by myself in malaysia. Good reason also …

But I still keep this as secret havent tell kevin. Afraid if i tolak tawaran ni, dia mesti kecil hati. Kannn…??

Want to take a nap for a while. Had been so stressful and tired the whole week. Till later.

Oh ohhh ohhh ohhh

p/s at 3am & listening to this while doing some laaaast minute work. bz with final project presentation. you take care! =)

I'll always remember you

Why..sometimes when i am with Sidd, that is the time when i miss Kevin so much ??

At home

Not going to the hospital today because sidd's family from johor will come down to visit her mother. so just tak nak sibuk2 kat sana let them spend time together lah. but mama said she wants to cook bubur lambuk and we can send to hospital in the evening. Mama sidd ada cakap dia teringin nak makan bubur lambuk tapi sidd pulak tk tahu nak beli kat mana. lainlah kalau bulan puasa banyak dijual. so told mama and she wants to cook after she comes back from spa later.

Saya ponteng kuliah 2 hari tapi akan catch up with the notes when i go back on monday. tapi tak menyesal sebab saya dapat jumpa aunty pada saat-saat macam ni. dan saya tak akan rasa terkilan. kalau jadi apa-apa. sidd nampak lebih tenang compared to the beginning. saya rasa dia dah dapat terima keadaan dan takdir Allah ini. Tambahan pula ada adik-adik lagi so he has to be strong. at least to show that he is strong. Ayah sidd pun nampak ok juga. bila ada dekat mama dia yang terbaring tu, semua pun buat macam biasa. boleh lagi ketawa-ketawa. dan buat mama sidd yang tengah sakit pun ikut senyum. That's good for her. Mama dia dah minta nak balik rumah. dia kata kalau ditakdirkan umur tak panjang, dia nak meninggal di rumah di samping suami dan anak-anak. That was when i could not hold my tears and walked out from the ward. tak baik menangis depan orang yang sakit.

Sidd suruh saya balik kalau penat tapi saya stay sampai petang. Temankan mama dia dan bantu apa yang patut. sebab dia tak ada anak perempuan yang dah besar. ada pun masih sekolah lagi. Saya tanya sidd kenapa Alin tak datang. Sidd cakap Alin sibuk. Sibuk? sebenarnya alin & saya boleh balik sama-sama hari tu KK kalau dia nak balik. ntah lah saya pun kelam kabut hari tu lupa nak tanya sidd. lagipun tiket flight semua sidd yang uruskan. I nak je call dia suruh dia datang melawat cos this is the time to meet his mother. tapi macam tak nak pulak masuk campur. biar aje lah. nanti tak pasal alin salah faham.

Till later. kids dah balik dari sekolah kena prepare food utk mereka.

When a friend needs me

Sidd’s mother is not really well and I must say that this is the time when she needs all her family member to be with her. Mama dah 2 kali pergi melawat dia di hospital dan mama tanya kalau saya nak balik melawat dia.

And i know that sidd cried when I called him this morning. Saya kenal suara dia macamana dan bila dia bercakap ada tangisan yang dia telan. He asked if it is not too much to ask, maybe I can go back to KL. He'll buy me ticket. Terduduk saya masa tu. Rasa tak sedap hati sangat. Is that serious? i tak sangka lah serius mcm tu sekali.

They are only 2 ½ hours fly from me. I think I should go back to show my support to my best friend.
Ini hari dia..esok lusa belum tahu.

Kemas beg.

٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ whaaaa

I already asked my parents about going to visit kevin.
Fuhh..!!
I sms mama, then papa yang call.

My dad immediately get the idea of who am I meeting there, since he has got some hint before that I have a friend named Kevin studying in Australia who likes to call me at night. Therefore, I’ve not get any approval yet.
So, it’s like 50-50 lah.

Doa banyak-banyak.
And papa wants me to answer these questions, see if I can pass it

-Where am I going to stay
-What will I do there
-Whom am I meeting
-How long..
-Who will take care of me

So what do you think..should I lie?
Or telling the truth and get rejected ?

Hahaa..while kevin keep advising the latest info for flight ticket.

٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ whaaaa

Jemput makan

I'm having my late lunch now. Tapau earlier but no time to eat in between lecture. Got my final project discussion. Presentation will be soon so i'm so nervous. Fuhh!! Please help me God.
I think i've done well but who knows sometimes bila dah dekat nk ambil final reading, time tu la nak spoil. eh simpang malaikat 44.
Nasi ni rasa sedap kan bila makan time lapar. walaupun hanya ikan goreng kicap dgn taugeh goreng =). Macam tak cukup pulak.
Yaya is sleeping in the room..she is not well. Me too. Got flu and headache.
Malam ni ada continue study group at one of my friends hostel. They want me to bring along cucur ikan bilis. boleh? Nak makan ke nak study.
Talking about cucur, i miss cucur bawang maktok lah. miss her too. lately saya jarang call dia. now i realize. kenapa ye? mesti dia ingat saya tak rindu dia pun.
Eh! I belum minta izin parents nak ke Australia tau. U all rasa berjaya ke tidak? saya dah happy sendiri tapi belum minta izin. Tapi hati dah berbunga. Harap permintaan tidak akan direject. Amin.
Key, till later. Nak makan.

Smile !

I have one assign to write. Actually 1 week ago but I procrastinate too many seconds which turn into minutes into hours and now it has been 7 days. I have no excuse. I always have an excuse. That is what I am good at. Along with like, a couple other things that I am passionate about.

Well if things go according to plan, I'll go to see him in Feb. Feb is special.
Happy? =)
That I am excited about too. All day today. Kept smiling. Even at lunch. Made my friends confused.





Now, back to assignment. Write soon.

Please please please

Was on skype with kev earlier

[16:09:23] Kevin_C: I'm having my lunch now..boleh temankan tak?
[16:09:54] Arianna: Sure! so late. What are u havin?
[16:09:56] Kevin_C: Same thing
[16:10:03] Kevin_C: cheese burger
[16:10:09] Kevin_C: i smell like cheese now
[16:10:18] Kevin_C: want some babe?
[16:10:23] Arianna: Thanks. Tengah buat asgnment. I had fried rice already. From the same shop. but not so nice. not the same as before. nothing the same since you'd been gone
[16:10:35] Kevin_C: oh dear.
[16:10:40] Arianna: I miss u. i know i've done so many things that made u upset and mad of me. sometimes you feel like want to kill me kan? but i know that you still love me =)
[16:11:12] Kevin_C: Of course. I know its hard time now. i dont blame u alone. we can face this together. im sorry too..
[16:11:37] Kevin_C: But for sure I'm still in love with you.
[16:12:04] Kevin_C: And forever will
[16:12:09] Kevin_C: even you had fall for another man
[16:12:42] Kevin_C: i know that your love for me remain
[16:13:30] Kevin_C: and never change
[16:13:33] Kevin_C: bahh..
[16:14:04] Arianna: (rofl) baca poem ke?
[16:14:54] Kevin_C: betul syg
[16:15:01] Kevin_C: I miss you like crazy. every day, i'll look for promo air ticket. i want to fly back to see you.
[16:15:23] Arianna: Really? Me either.
[16:15:53] Kevin_C: Then, come over here. I pay some. serius ni. we can spent time together. i can take you for walk. you can cook for me. i miss your sweet n sour chicken. i can introduce you to my friends. They all akan jealous dan hairan kenapa i boleh dapat u yang sangat cantik ni. And you can meet my pet brother too.
[16:16:21] Arianna: =D
[16:17:15] Kevin_C: Jom lah.
[16:17:23] Kevin_C: Please please please
[16:17:34] Kevin_C: Please please please Please please please Please please please Please please please Please please please Please please please Please please please
[16:17:44] Arianna: (rofl) STOP COPY PASTE. i'll think about it okey.
[16:18:20] Kevin_C: Don't take too long. Can't wait

He is upset

Thanks for you who care. Forgot that I still have friends here who keep reading what I write. And keep listening when I share.
Ghee…thanks =)

I am a bit concern about sidd and his mother. As a friend I should. At least to show that I care. I never mean to hurt kevin or to show that saya terlebih concern. It’s normal when we care about our friend. There must be something bothering kevin but I hope it’s not that serious. I didn’t ask him anything about that. Tak nak panjangkan cerita. Acting normal je. Walaupun rasa macam sedikit doubt di situ.
Being away from is other is already a challenge. And to go on quarrel and fight all the time is not healthy. Cuba elakkan.

Kevin called last night asking if im going to apply to further my study in the same uni as him or at least same country.
He has been asking me several times but i myself not so sure if I want to further study. I feel like want to look for a job asap after this sem.
I need to find a job. I have to. I want to be independent. I want to have my own income. So that I can take care of clara by myself.
Not only depending on parents money.

He wants me to stay near to him. told him that I can go to visit him or he can still come back here to see me.
But I don’t want to go there and spend another 2,3 years and leave clara here growing up without looking after her.
Bukan memilih antara kevin & clara. Tapi memilih yang terbaik untuk kedua-duanya.

I guess kevin is upset with me now. Upset in every way.
And I am sorry for myself..

Stressful

I’ll join a pilates class today. Perlukan aktiviti untuk mengeluarkan peluh dan segala toksik dalam badan ni. Dan toksik dalam otak juga.
Really not in the mood. And feel lonely.
Rasa macam sorang-sorang. Tak ada orang yang disayangi bersama saya sekarang.
Buat air pun rasa tak sedap. Letak balik dalam fridge.
Goreng nasi pun rasa macam tawar. Tambah garam dan sos ikan pun masih tak dapat nak jadikan ia sedap.
That serious mehhh…
Rasa lapar ni. Lapar sangat. Teringin nak call kevin dan cakap.
“Let’s have bakso!”
Dia mesti terus datang bawak saya makan bakso yang paling sedap di kk.
Sambil cerita-cerita. Sambil gelak-gelak.
I miss him..
Tapi itu tak akan berlaku lagi.
Kepala pun rasa sakit ni, berdenyut-denyut.
Dah ambil ponstan 4 biji since this morning.
Tapi masih lagi sakit.
I’m living in a stressful world !

=(

Kevin said he is busy watching tennis match when i wanted to tell him about sidd's mother.

I'm pretty speechless.
What's wrong with him??!!

Really a bad news..

I spent most of the time during weekend comforting sidd..who had received a truly bad news to his family. I can't accept it if i was him also..
I feel the pain as well.
Her mother is diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer..and now spreading to her liver and most probably to the lungs. :,(
She is very nice person and a wonderful mother, knew her since i was in school with sidd.
I called mama to tell her and mama is going to visit his mother in the hospital today.
Sidd also fly back to KL today.
Oh! My god...please give him as much strength as he needs.

Till later, i have lecture now..

Miss you so much =,(

Spoken to clara over the phone tonight..and she kept asking when i will go to see her and bring her back. ??? As i'm her mother.. I guess she is confused now..
Really feel guilty. She sounded happy. so she must be fine there...with her mother.
Adui!

Even if i have only spoken with her for as little as one minute! I would get sick of missing her after that.

I went to the kitchen and saw clara's plate.. and i used the plate tonight.
Yaya pandang semacam tengok saya makan dalam pinggan Dora The Explorer... =)
I buat bodoh je. Rasa sedap macam makan dengan clara.

The other day when we was in KL. I bought her a bracelet with her name on it...cute



Namamu akan selalu terukir dalam hati ini

Rabbit for sale !

Animal kembali lagi...

:P

This time bukan pillowcase..tapi berupa beg.

Yang sangat comel boleh dibawa kemana-mana..boleh letak buku, toys, makanan -.-'...hehe.

Bagi present kat adik/anak pun boleh.

Clara pun ada satu.. ;)

Murah ni sebab my partner nak habiskan stok.

She has only 4 in hand..

sebelum ni selling at RM42 include postage..

tapi sekarang RM35 saja include postage.

Boleh email saya kalau nak ye

bvlgarigirl09@yahoo.com

Ada 4 unit saja available ! Pat pat siku lipat...sapa cepat dia lompat ..

G.U.M

I just bought like maybe a 2 week supply of gum. Those things finish quick. Probably because I replace myself with a new piece of gum everytime the one in my mouth loses flavour. Which happens like... every 5 minutes. 2, possibly.

Tired

Hari ni ada fuuull day kuliah & tutorial.
From morning until evening. Break utk lunch & solat saja.
I'm getting old for this agaknya coz i feel tired already.
Or maybe because i'm not 100% into this.
Tak baik nye...habiskan duit parents je kan kalau ada anak macam saya.
=)
Tapi mungkin sebab hati rindukan clara..jadi fikiran pun tak berapa nak happy. sadness made me tired.
Hope i won't fall sick.

I'm going out for dinner with sidd tonight itu pun kalau larat. Saya suruh dia bawak Alin sama. Dah lama sidd tak cerita pasal alin, saya pun lupa nak tanya. harapnya masih bersama lah. tak best lah kalau keluar dengan sidd dan alin tahu nanti.

kalau kevin, saya ada bgtahu dia kalau saya keluar dengan sidd. sometimes dia ok, sometimes dia macam tak suka. can't understand him..but without him here, i need friendsss. friends keep me awake. And i did ask him also to look for friends there..fair enough

Back to square one!

Back to kk untuk sekian kalinya. Dan mungkin terakhir kalinya untuk menghabiskan baki pengajian di sini. Sampai malam tadi dalam pukul 12 lebih. should not take the night flight, pity clara. dia mengantuk tapi tak dapat tidur dengan lena dalam flight. maklumlah dah dekat 2 bulan tidur bawah ketiak saya ;) selesa atas katil. bila kena tidur kat seat flight tu dia tak selesa. 2 1/2 jam rasa macam lamaaaa sangat. sebab tak ada siapa yang saya tak sabar nak jumpa di kk. dengan separuh hati saja balik ke sini. rasa macam terpaksa. tapi memujuk hati sendiri. Last semester dah, dan mungkin inilah saat-saat akhir belajar dalam hidup saya. so, just enjoy. belajar kan satu ibadah.

Sampai di kk, sidd tunggu kat airport. tolong hantar kan kami balik ke rumah sewa. saya tak makan dalam flight..begitu juga clara yang memang tak suka flight punya food. so, berhenti kat kk sekejap sidd tapaukan kami makanan. yaya tak balik lagi. malam ni baru sampai. kakmin je ada. tapi kakmin tak sihat pula.demam katanya. sampai di rumah, tak kemaskan apa-apa barang pun, makan sekejap, cuci muka, buat susu clara dan terus tidur...sampai lah pagi tadi.

Tersedar sebab kevin sms berkali-kali. dia tanya sama ada dah siapkan pakaian clara, dah belikan susu dan diapers yang cukup untuk clara. sebab biasanya kevin akan belikan susu dan barang clara kalau nak hantar clara balik. I wish he is here. So that i can share the moment of taking care of clara. i miss the time bila dia sibuk kira berapa kali sehari clara minum susu, kalau 1kg susu berapa lama boleh tahan. kalau diapers tu satu pek berapa hari nak pakai. then kira berapa lama tak jumpa clara..berapa lama tak belikan dia susu, that time dia gelabah lah. as clara tak ada parents pula nak belikan susu..but that's him. Kevin sayang clara..macam saya sayang clara.

Sidd datang ambil kami sebab nak tolong saya pergi ambil kereta sewa lagi. Ingat nak minta tolong sidd hantarkan ke tempat ambil kereta je lepas tu saya sendiri drive ke kampung Jen. tapi sidd nak tolong hantarkan kami terus ke sana, lepas tu baru hantar saya ambil kereta. Bertolak dalam pukul 11 lebih...

Sad story. jen biasa saja..sibuk jaga 2 lagi anak dia..and the baby still small dan tak sihat..i hope she will have time to take care of clara..clara tak nak ikut jen bila saya nak tinggalkan dia. dia menangis sampai tarik baju saya. saya pun nangis sama. sidd yang terpaksa pujuk saya supaya lepaskan clara. kalau tidak sampai bila pun saya akan duduk situ. why i couldn't let the girl go..mungkin dia terlalu lama dengan saya..saya tak sepatutnya buat mcam ni lagi kot..akan mengganggu emosi dia. sekarang ni pun saya masih tak dapat tahan air mata bila teringat kan clara tadi..i really miss her..

=,(

Tunggu yaya sampai supaya ada teman untuk syer kesedihan saya malam ni..
Esok dah start kuliah..harap dapat kuatkan semangat saya.