He broke the table lamp

Last night when I on the skype, Kevin was there. He said he was waiting for me to tell me something.
Kevin : I had accidentally broke the table lamp I bought for you the other day and I am sorry
Myself : It is ok. Not my rezeki.
Kevin : My mistake.
Myself : No problem. Don’t feel bad about it.
Kevin : I tried to take something from the cupboard, then kotak tu jatuh.
Myself : Maybe it is a sign of something?
Kevin : Sign of what?
Myself : I don’t know. I just say it.
Kevin : I’m sorry if it is not as what has been planned.
Myself : We can plan. Tapi semua di tangan tuhan.
Kevin : I miss you
Myself : Me too… I guess.
Kevin : Take care of yourself ok
Myself : Don’t worry about me. Take your ample time.
Kevin : For what?
Myself : For anything….for everything you do.
Kevin : Thank you

The conversation or the chat recently went short and shorter. I am giving time to us. To me. To Kevin. To our relationship.

It’s a hard time but still have to pass through. But there is no more beautiful table lamp. Kevin bought that for me before when he saw it in a store.

He said that the lamp will give a light to our own house.

SMS from stranger

Since last week I have been receiving text messages from an unknown number. Katanya nak kenal. Saya biasa tak reply message orang yang tidak dikenali. But looks like that he/she doesn’t give up. Mesej-mesej tu tidak mengganggu dan tidak mengandungi unsur-unsur 18SG atau 18SX pun. Most of it just a normal one. Tanya khabar, tanya saya dah makan ke belum, tanya study macamana. From most of the messages, seemed like he/she knows my background. And know where I am. So, it’s not a random message that sometimes u received from strangers yang main-main hantar mesej kepada nombor yang dia tak kenal. He/she is funny so sometimes rasa terhibur. I’m pretty down and sad these few weeks so don’t blame me kalau ada a little excitement pun saya boleh rasa happy. Those messages made me smile. But still I do not respond to it. Whoever is he/she, I don’t care. Selagi tidak membahayakan diri dan kesihatan ye tak? And just now the message read as Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same. But life goes on and there’ll be some other people waiting to meet us in future. Do I know this person???!! Tapi masih malas nak reply…selagi dia tidak menganggu ketenteraman biar je lah. Lama-lama dia berhenti lah kan.

My weekend

I spent my weekend with my precious little one. Drove 2 hours to pick Clara up on Friday evening and sent her back last night. I did it myself. Suddenly I did not feel the fear of driving outside the city, alone at night. Hendak seribu daya kan. Nggak usah manja =) We went to Lok Kawi Wildlife on Saturday. Clara was so happy to see the animal show and she got chance to pet orang utan. She ran here and there and enjoyed our lunch together. She slept in the car on the way back. Too tired lah tu. Then she woke up at night and kacau me buat assignment. We had milo panas cicah oreo together. She talks a lot now. Sampai pening kepala nak melayan dia bertanya itu ini. And she asked where is kevin when she saw our picture in the frame on my table. On Sunday saya masak nasi ayam for us. Her favourite. We lepak-lepak kat rumah dan petangnya saya bawa clara beli barang-barang dia sebelum hantar dia balik. No one at home during weekend, nasib baik ada clara. Otherwise I will sure lari ke rumah siapa-siapa just to kill the lonely time. I texted kevin and said wish he was here with us. He replied and asked me to kiss clara for him. He told me to buy Clara’s formula milk, foods and toys and he will pay for it. He still care about clara. But no me. I had a group discussion in 15 minutes and now waiting for others to join me in the library. Wish we will finish up discussing everything today and work on this project faster. Kami dah ketinggalan sedikit sebab team kami ada banyak komitmen lain. Dan banyak main-main.

Keluar carta

I have a friend yang selalu ketinggalan dalam bab-bab muzik ni tau.
Dia kan tak up to date betul. Bukan sikit-sikit ketinggalan. Banyak sangat.
Dia akan mula minat satu-satu lagu tu selepas laaama betul orang minat. Lepas orang dah rasa nak delete dah dalam ipod.

Last week
Kawan : Yana, best kan lagu Justin Bieber tu.
Saya : Lagu apa? Never Say Never ke?
Kawan : Bukan, yang Baby Baby tu.
Saya : ?????? Eh Justin Bieber pun dah besar, kau baru nak minat lagu Baby tu


Pagi tadi
Kawan : Yana tolong aku download satu lagu tu. Best sangat, aku suka.
Saya : Lagu apa? Grenade ke?
Kawan : Bukan lah. Lagu Bila Cinta.
Saya : Dah agak dah. Lagu yang keluar carta tahun lepas.


Hihi. Funny kan dia.

Sakit kepala

It was not long since I visited him the other day. I still remember he baked a cake for my birthday. Walaupun rasa macam bahulu tawar yang tak jadi, tapi bagi saya, itulah kek paling sedap dalam dunia yang pernah saya makan. Walaupun tulisan atas kek tu paling buruk yang orang kat kedai kek tak akan jual, itulah hiasan kek paling cantik pernah saya lihat. Kek yang dibuat dengan kasih sayang itu rasa sangat special.

I’m talking about cake because I just got back from a friend’s birthday celebration. When I saw her cake, it reminds me of him. Made me smile. I was so happy when he was around. Never been that happy.

But I can be happy too without him.

Right?

:))

Ok,

fake smile.

Rasa macam kepala berat ni. Sakit kepala sangat. Mungkin tak cukup tidur malam tadi. I had to study for this morning test. Berjaga sampai 3 pagi.
I didn’t remember what I answered. Mesti kena panggil dengan Prof J nanti. Pandailah saya nak menjawab.

I called mama last night and asked for a blessing. Minta dia doakan saya lepas sembahyang. Tenangkan hati saya dan selamatkan saya di sini.
Doa dari ibu paling mujarab. Doa yang penuh kasih sayang.

Mama tak ada tanya kenapa saya minta dia doakan. Sebab dia tahu kalau saya risau dan ada masalah, saya akan pergi kepada mama minta dia doa. Dia tahu saya ada masalah. Tapi dia tak paksa untuk saya bagitahu.

Rasanya kalau keluar dengan kawan-kawan atau pergi main volleyball pun bagus juga kan. Saya buntu lah duduk dalam bilik sorang-sorang.
Semakin sakit kepala ni. Atau pergi shopping !
Yey pergi shopping
Bye

*Thanks for your msg and pray. God bless you. My love for all.

Things get cold

Thanks, saya akan bertahan. tapi sedih.
He didn’t call me for a long time already. He used to call. Not every day tapi 3,4 hari sekali mesti dia call dulu. He didn’t on his skype. Took ages for him to reply to my text. He didn’t read my e-mail.

Last night, when i was watching late nite movie, his sister called and she asked about us. Told her that it’s time when things get cold. Maybe he is busy and tired. Study and work might be a burden to him. Mungkin dia sakit. Saya tak tahu. Maybe I am too much, over act, but i feel like he is trying to avoid me?? Sounds selfish. But that is the most I can think if he does not explain to me what is wrong with him. One thing Stella said to me that I feel weird of

She wants me to promise to never stop loving him because whatever happen is not kevin’s fault
She wants me to promise to never stop loving him because whatever happen is not kevin’s fault
She wants me to promise to never stop loving him because whatever happen is not kevin’s fault
She wants me to promise to never stop loving him because whatever happen is not kevin’s fault

Hey, what is happening???

At least let me know lah. Look! I am still alive. Don’t hide anything from me please.

I still love him.
I cried not because I am mad at him, but because I miss him so much.

Tell me

Can someone change like so.. immediately?
I don't understand and can't take it.
What is happening i don't know.
I thought it was because the other thing but it seems like not that one.
It is due to something else that i don't really realize about it.
I am confused.
I wanted to forget about this and pretend like everything is fine, but i can't.
I have been missing you a lot.
Did you realize?
Tell me what's wrong......

Kev, please don't do this.
Not now.

The same boat

If you can see me, i have a large dark circle under my eyes now.
I guess.
Or it is just comot of my eye liner i put on last nite?
Hmmm...
Irritating.

I went out with sidd last nite. We went for dinner at a seafood restaurant. And the food was superb. It washed away our heartbreaking situation but enjoying the food we ordered.

We are in the same boat now. Sidd is having problem with his gf too...
Sidd has no guts to heal the heart ache. He is focusing on his family matter now. When we were on the way back he received calls from her.
He didn't answer the call.

Sidd semakin kurus. Really pity him. Feel like want to cry looking at his eyes. He is no more a happy guy. I have lost a fun-to-be-with friend.

He is staying at a hotel now and leaving tonight to KL. Should i send him something and cheer him up? He used to make me smile when i was sad.

Still ill

I cooked something, ate and threw up again. Felt like no appetite at all but no energy.

Yaya ask me to go to the clinic. Maybe tonight.

This morning I felt so tired. Dizzy too. I received a call from Sidd. Dia cakap dia nak balik KK ambil some documents from his previous employee. His mother is still in the same condition. Bertahan. Sidd nak jumpa saya malam ni lepas dia selesaikan hal dia.

Sidd masih belum dapat kerja di KL. Tapi mesti dia pun tak nak bekerja buat sementara waktu ni sebab nak jaga mama dia.
Dan jaga adik-adik juga. Kerja rumah dan masak memasak sekarang semua dibuat oleh ayah dan dia sendiri. Kesian kan. I can feel if I am in his place.

Last week I saw sidd’s status in FB is SINGLE. Tapi saya tak ada tanya sidd.

I didn’t tell you that her girlfriend came to see me the other day, after I went back to KL to visit sidd’s mother. Dia datang rumah saya. Nak tanya kenapa sidd bawa saya balik KL jumpa mama dia. Kenapa sidd belikan saya tiket dan arrange semuanya. Told her that she should ask sidd and not me. I believe because I am sidd’s bestfriend since we were in school. And I know his mother well. Tak sangka pula dia akan question saya macam tu. Tapi semua tu saya tak bagitahu sidd. Let them settle themselves.

But I can never accept her as a friend. She is not the type of person I want to be friend with. She used harsh words and point finger on me. I still keep this within myself. No one knows. Except you all now. Huh -:-

Saya nak tanya sidd malam ni. But if they are still together, I wont tell sidd about the incident. Let me keep it because I don’t want sidd to feel awkward. I want to take a nap now. Till later

Something had happened

Still keep this, sayang nak makan. I miss the time when i was there.

How is my baby kangaroo doing down there? He is in silent mode. We didn't talk since last week. Something had happened.

I am busy and sick at the same time. Not too sick but not feeling well.
I need someone to talk to.

Re : Kek Hijau

To darling yang bertanyakan resepi kek hijau tu..

This link ok

http://bvlgarigirl.blogspot.com/search?q=kek+hijau

Mesti buat tau..send to me some ;)

Lelaki

When I walked to the café today after tutorial, Prof K called me to sit with her. We had lunch together. She called to inform me that she has submitted my name with other few students for a scholarship-research programme under a pvt company. We can do research/work with the company and at the same time further our study as part time under their scolarship. Sounds great isn’t it? But it is in Sabah. And you know that I’m not staying here after grad.

That makes me think that certain things can easily come to you when you least expected. But the other are very hard to get.
Itulah rezeki namanya kan?

Last night I called Jen and spoke to clara. Jen is not feeling well and clara is under her sister’s care. Jen could not work, and the husband is still in the lokap or jail and I don’t know how’s the progress of his case.

Asked Jen if I can bring clara here. At least for few days. I miss her so much. Plus this week im not so busy, only sending my assignments and get some reference books where I can go to the library with her. She won’t make noise and behave if she has books around her. She likes to read and I’ll teach her to read.

Saya pun rasa sunyi sangat. I’m all alone. With yaya also busy with her lectures and projects. Kadang-kadang tak balik pun ke rumah. stay kat hostel kawan. I’ve done rearranging my bedroom’s furniture this week. Twice! And I have baked 02 cakes last week which one of them was a delicous and moist..and the other one went to the dustbin!
But I’m too lazy to blog about it.

I want to ask a friend to accompany me to go and pick up Clara later ! if sidd or kevin is here, they’ll sure make my life easy. Sekarang mengaku saya perlukan lelaki dalam hidup saya ;)

Catch you later !

Delicious food in Bali?

My dad & mama ada kat bali. they went to survey the residence and school for the children. They are very serious of moving there. And still want me to follow them. Papa kept sending me all those nice and yummy foods they had there. Hehe...nice try guys! Your tempting food pictures will not change my mind. Definitely not! Malaysia has more to offer!

Haha

A shoulder to cry on

When at 3am you receive a call from a best friend asking for a shoulder to cry on...
I would lend him and let him cry ...till he release everything.
I'm sorry sidd that i am not there to share the burden with you.
But i know that you can carry all these. i knew you as a strong man.
you must believe that things happen for reasons. I miss you too..
Hug your mother for me..

1000 but why?

A big thank you !

Can i know why do you follow this blog?

Why ? WHy ? WHY ? Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?
Why ? WHy ? WHY ?
Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?
Why ? WHy ? WHY ?
Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?Why ? WHy ? WHY ?
Whatever la kan but a bunch of love from me
MMuaahhh

Gone busy, be back soon

Is it Mar already?
Why time flies so fast?
Eh wait! I only have 2 months to go to complete my study life?
Sounds grrreatt!

Great great great!
Like it!
Coz i am too stressed with this study life.
But not to everyone okey.
It's only me who feel this way.

Hey look at the sky, it is so nice weather today.

I miss the time when we walked along the beach hand in hand.
I miss the time when you caress my hair...and comforted me.

but now i don't have the time to even miss you..
I am so sorry.

Strawberry & White Choc Popcorn

Like the header?

Ha haaa..just to let you know that i love Strawberry & White Choc Popcorn