Kaamatan

We are resting in the hotel room while my family went to tuaran to the kaamatan festival. Clara is sick. Demam dan flu. So tak nak bawa dia jalan-jalan nanti kena panas dan dengan orang ramai lagi nanti dia tambah teruk. The other day masa ambil clara badan dia dah suam-suam dan hidung dia mcm tersumbat saja. Lepas tu terus demam. Dah bawa ke klinik. Then suruh je papa bawak semua ke tuaran sendiri. Papa sewa kereta. Gamble lah kan cari jalan sendiri. Pakai gps pun blh. Kalau kt oversea pun papa selamba aje takkan dalam malaysia nak sesat pulak. So far tak ada terima call. MAknanya ok la tu. Dah suap bubur nasi kt clara tapi dia makan 2 suap saja. Lepas tu dia nk tengok doraemon kt u tube. Saya tengok tv aje. Malam ni nk keluar dinner ajelah. Malam tadi call sidd lagi. Hari tu mama tk sempat melawat sidd tapi beRjaya call abah sidd utk bercakap dgn dia. Saya rasa dia sakit teruk. Suara pun tk larat je. Tp at least dpt ckp dgn dia dah lega rasanya. Hari ni dia mungkin dah keluar wad. Harap dia cepat sembuh. Mama dia lebih perlukan sidd sekarang. Kesian betul dgn dia. Kalau igtkan dia mesti saya rasa down sekejap. Ok got to go nak baring sebelah clara sambil tgk doraemon. Dpt dengar dia nyanyi never been this happy =)
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Sedihnya

Yaya tanya kenapa muka kau ni macam orang mati boyfriend. Mulut tak de insuran kan dia. Saya sedih sebab sampai sekarang tak dapat cakap dengan Sidd. Saya minta nombor telefon abah sidd tapi dia tak ada kat KL hari ni. Sidd masih tak on handphone dia. Mungkin dia tak larat. Siapa yang jaga Sidd kat hospital tu ye? Dia sorang-sorang ke?

Boleh imagine tak bila kita sakit dalam hospital dan emak sendiri pun dalam hospital bertarung nyawa. Tiada siapa yang jaga kita sakit. Aduhai sedihnya. Boleh mengalir air mata bila saya ingat kan dia. Betul saya sedih. Saya bgtahu mama supaya pergi melawat sidd dan mama janji malam ni kalau papa balik awal mereka akan ke hospital cari sidd. Esok mama dah nak datang sini. Saya harap mereka dapat jumpa sidd dan call saya supaya saya boleh cakap dengan dia malam ni.

Dah nak isyak, saya nak solat dan doakan sidd. saya sayang dia.

saya rindu nak dengar suara gembira bila dia buat joke. baru saya sedar dah lama saya tak dengar dia ketawa.

Sidd sakit

Sejak semalam kan cuba call Sidd nak tanya perkembangan mama dia. Tapi phone dia off. Ingatke sebab dia ada dalam wad jaga mama dia tak nak diganggu. So saya cuba lagi beberapa kali kemudiannya tapi takkan lah sampai 2 hari tutup phone. Jadi, cari nombor telefon rumah dia. Nasib baik ada dalam note book lama saya tu lagi. Dan adik dia jawab call. Dia kata, Sidd masuk hospital dah 3 hari.

Ingat ke masuk hospital jaga mama dia rupanya dia sendiri yang masuk hospital. Adik dia cakap Sidd kena tekanan darah rendah. Mungkin sebab dia terlalu penat dan tertekan dengan keadaan mama dia dan nak jaga adik-adik lagi. Saya sepatutnya ada di sana membantu dia apa yang patut. Toong jaga mama dia ke, tolong uruskan adik-adik dia, atau buat apa sajalah yang boleh membantu. Sidd tak pernah lokek bantu saya masa saya susah. Adik dia cakap abah sidd pun dah tak macam dulu sejak mama dia sakit. Dia mungkin kerisauan dan berubah. Adik-adik sidd tak dapat bergantung dengan abah dia lagi dan dengan sidd kat hospital pula, semua pun kelam kabut. Adik dia nangis tadi cakap dengan saya. Rasa sedih sangat. Kesian sangat dengan mereka semua dan juga Sidd. =,(

Saya nak cakap dengan dia tapi handphone dia masih off sampai sekarang. Mungkin dia perlu berehat dan tak nak diganggu. Tapi at least on la phone sekejap saya rindu sangat nak cakap dengan dia. Kalau dekat-dekat mesti saya dah drive pergi hospital sekarang juga. Saya dah sms dia harap bila-bila dia on phone dia akan baca nanti dan call saya balik. Maaf sidd sebab terlalu sibuk dan buat macam-macam hal saya terlupakan awak. I'm sorry, please call me.

Family is coming down

Mama call tadi cakap dia kat Gardens kat GAP butik nak belikan baju Clara. Siap cakap dia nak beli yang untuk pakai jalan-jalan, untuk pakai kat rumah, untuk pakai kalau keluar malam, untuk pakai main-main petang kat taman. Mama ni macam lah Clara tu tinggal dengan kita boleh nak arrange dia punya pakaian bila nak pakai semua. But that's my mum. very particular. Even dia dah tempahkan baju raya saya ye. Without asking me how i want it to look like or at least warna apa saya nak. She always said that she knows better. dia tahu apa yang cantik dan tidak bila saya pakai. Being a good daughter kan saya pakai je apa mama belikan. kalau nak lain dari lain i got to get it my self lah.

My family akan sampai hari sabtu malam. Kebetulan kan Harvest Festival nanti. seronok sebab saya boleh bawa mereka tengok lebih lagi kalau boleh ke pesta keaamatan. tengok unduk ngadau. Nak suruh mereka rasa makanan kat sini. Dan juga nak bawa mereka ke rumah KakMai jumpa family angkat saya. Mereka tak pernah jumpa. Cuma bercakap di telefon saja. Papa cakap nak spend few days kat sini. lepas tu saya ikut mereka balik lah. balik forever. gonna miss my life here.

Papa tanya if kevin is here. i think he wants to meet him if he is here. that's huge. i dont want to even think about it. Macamana kalau papa jumpa dan cakap 'hey you jangan jumpa anak saya lagi' Papa is so unpredictable sometimes. even dia rapat dengan saya, he could do anything weird just to protect my self seperti pernah angkut basikal budak jahat yang kacau saya masuk dalam bonet kereta bawak balik rumah dan suruh budak tu bawak parents dia kalau nak basikal tu balik. Seriously! it happened when i was in standard 3 rasanya.

Haaaaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaa

Itik

Kami tengok itik ni masa jalan-jalan kat tempat Kevin masa saya melawat dia hari tu di Aussie.
Kevin cakap itik ni akan terus bersama sampai mati sebab tengok dia tak boleh berenggang berdua je ke sana ke sini.
Comel sangat.
Aduh, rindu tempat ni, rindu kevin, dan rindu itik ni.
Rasa lubang kosong dalam dada tu dah datang semula.
Rasa nak menjerit tanpa suara.
Kalau lah saya boleh terbang ke sana lagi. Dan baiki keadaan ini.

Headache

I feel rather listless and got headache since morning. I think that I've taken too much pain killer in my life so I've decided not to today. Tapi sampai skrg berdenyut-denyut. Sampai rasa menyucuk kat tengah belakang kepala. Nak cuci baju tapi air tak ada. Cukup utk mandi saja. Tadi dah kirim mee goreng kat kakmin. Rasa lapar tapi tak tahu nak makan apa. Hari ni dah dapat 3 email dari kawan baru. Rajin dia email saya. Saya baca email dia. Tapi saya reply email kevin. Kevin bgtahu dia sangat sibuk. I know he is bz. Even he said he is multi tasking but he is not a robot. Tell him that I miss him and he said he still miss me too. Even he is so far away tak ada kt kk, rasa nak tinggalkan kk ni macam nak tinggalkan dia pula. Berat hati, berat kaki. Kuatnya bond. Got to go. Got to find panadol or somethin
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Cold

We had a nasty cold circulating in this house. I hope i won't get one. Kak Min had it the worst.

My week has been pretty darn good so far. Yaya said that i have shiny eyes today. What's with that? It must have been the news that my family is visiting me here next week. Yey! My parents came before and so did my brothers & sister but at different occasion. And this time they will all come down together.

Plus this weekend i am going to see Clara. I pray hard i can take her with me at least when my family is here but depends on the situation. Tak nak bagi harapan kepada diri sendiri.

The house has been nice and quiet and I’ve gotten a fair bit of work done. I'm happy ending my study life like this. Next week I’ll be on a roller coaster as i am planning to take my family everywhere in kk before we all heading back home. This is not gonna be forever, i wish to come to visit kk again...someday later.

Eh suddenly i miss Sidd. i was too busy and forgot to call him since last week. Agaknya macamana keadaan mama sidd.. Hari tu sidd kata macam biasa. masih dalam wad. Its too late to call him now. Ohh dah pukul 12 tgh malam. I wish everything is fine there. Bila balik kl saya boleh selalu jenguk mama dia & jumpa sidd juga. We'll support each other.

Segelas sebelum tidur. Nice. Good night.

Sukar

Had lunch with the new friend today. He asked me out before he left for kl tonight. He is working for his project with my friend's cousin dan selalu turun kk skrg. Asked him if I could bring yaya with me he said its fine so we went out 3 of us. I just want yaya to know that he is great guy and nothing more than just a friend. Yaya marah saya sebab dia cakap saya cenderung utk bermain kayu tiga. Which she doesn't know what I'm doing now and she won't understand, as well as anyone else. I myself do not know what I'm doing but tell you after meeting stella yesterday, I just get it. I get why kevin and I are getting a gap between us recently and I feel like he is fighting between his feelings for me and his responsibility as a son. I can feel the empty between us is there while we are denying. Denying because we still love each other. Dalam kata lain, saya sayang awak tapi saya tahu kita sukar untuk bersama.
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Cuba ye jangan tak cuba

Novel menunggu dihantar kepada yang bernasib baik =)
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Sun Day

Chill day. Woke up at 6 and performed subuh gajah prayer. After that pushed yaya to wake up dan pergi jogging. Lari tak sampai 1km pun dah macam nak pitam. Dulu tu takat 2 round kat titiwangsa sambil makan kacang je. I'm getting old lah. Lepas jogging singgah kat kedai tapau nes ais dgn kuih. Masih belum makan nasi since last week. Apa nak jadi tapi memang tak ada selera langsung nak sentuh nasi. Balik rumah baca paper tengok yaya kemas barang dia..masing2 dah nak tamat zaman belajar. Mine belum kemas lagi semuanya. Cuma buku-buku dah masuk kotak nak poskan saja balik kl. Tak larat nak bawak by hand semuanya. Kalau boleh baju pun nak poskan sekali nak melenggang kangkung je balik nanti haha. Last nite my mum cakap mungkin dia dan adik-adik nak dtg kk dulu jalan-jalan kat sini then lepas tu baru ke sin. Mama dah surrender her spa biz kat partner dia. Kesian mama, baru nak start biz dah kena surrender. Itulah dia cabaran dalm hidup mama kan. Tapi terpaksa lupakan dulu demi suami dan keluarga. Itulah dia pengorbanan demi cinta. Di kesempatan ini juga nak mengajak anda sama-sama sedekahkan al-fatihah kepada adik-adik kita yang terkorban dalam kejadian tanah runtuh semalam. Alfatihah
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Epal hijau & kuah rojak

Rasa nak muntah, loya, pening. So cari-cari dalam peti ais ada epal hijau dan kuah rojak. Good combination. Sometimes rasa macam ni. Mgkn sebab dah 3 hari tak makan nasi. Tak rasa nak makan nasi. Tak selera sangat. So makan roti, biskut dan apa-apa aje yg melintas eh terlintas. Kalau dah melintas tu lain macam dah kan. Malam tadi pun makan fish n chips saja. Wpun kawan baru tu kata dia tekak melayu tak minat western, saya tetap ajak dia makan western sebab nak ajar dia makan lamb chop. Haha. Dia ok. Cute n funny juga. Tak control. Terlebih sudah memuji ni. Sesuai lah kalau dia dpt jumpa perempuan melayu terakhir. Saya jauh sekali kot. Tp juga mungkin tak keluar lagi true color. And I haven't know what connect us. Maksudnya apa hobi, perangai yang sama dan serasi untuk berkawan. Lepas makan dia ajak pergi duduk kat tepi pantai makan chicken wing lagi. Cerita-cerita dan banyaklah ceritanya nantilah disyer kemudian. Dia bagi saya coklat sekotak. Tapi saya tak makan. Haa tipikal lagi saya ni. Dia kata nanti balik kl dia akan tolong carikan kerja. Recommend kat kawan-kawan ke saudara ke. Tapi kalau saya ikutkan nak kerja dgn kawan papa pun dah ada papa carikan. Tapi mcm tak selesa pula nanti papa akan selalu dapat monitor saya. Kan kan. He is still in kk dan katanya kalau sudi nak ajak keluar lagi. Tapi saya kata cukuplah sekali jangan tamak.
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Reasons

It is fun to go out and get to know new friend. Can I say that I am just looking for reasons to forget him??? Yaya scolded me for being so ridiculus. But it's no harm for trying. Isn't it? At least I tried. I went blank few times when hantu pisang talked to me because I was imagining kevin. God I miss kevin so much I realized when I was eating the garlic bread, his favourite. But I feel that I am accepting the new friendship for his sake. You may not understand me now but just pretend that u do lah ok. Nite. Go to sleep now.
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The return of Hantu pisang

Remember this hantu pisang ? if u didn't u can find him in my last last entry. Lelaki yang sangat kacak dengan baju melayunya tu dan dia ada cuba nak berkawan dengan saya. Saya boleh saja kalau nak berkawan-kawan tu tapi sebab dia ni adalah jelmaan boyfriend idaman imaginasi saya, jadi lebih baik jangan mencari nahas kan. Dia sgt perfect spt dalam imaginasi saya di alam remaja dulu. Eh sedar pula dah tua skrg. Jadi salam persahabatan dia tidak bersambut dan saya dah berterus terang yang saya dah ada someone special. Tapi sebenarnya dia tidak mahu mengalah utk menjadi kawan saya. Dia ada datang sekali ke kampus cari saya dulu..dan juga pagi tadi. Dia singgah sebab ada datang Kk katanya. Just to say hi. He seems like a nice person. So I feel like its not a big matter if I accept his offer keluar makan malam ni. Coz I'm in the crazy mood too so I just want to release a bit. Daa!!
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Testing **

This will be fun I can blogging even from the toilet.
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Silence is golden

I miss to update the blog. But I have to run here and there these few days. But when I was free, I got no idea or I was just lazy to write.
Thehehe..
I had to complete the final project and meet profs for discussion and this and that. I am resigning officially from my study life so its not as easy as I thought it could be. I feel like HAPPY but at the same time im gonna miss my friends and lectures and my super sporting tutor. I don’t know if I will get this chance again. I think im gonna find a job straight away once Im back to KL.
Lot’s of things playing in my mind. With my family is about to leave me alone in KL, with my heart aching to leave clara here.
What im gonna do now.
Before they move to Bali, we are planning to have a short break together. Most probably to Sin as the kids wanted to go to the universal studio.
They have to wait for me to come back to KL first or I akan mengamuk.
Do I sound happy?
Sounds like happy but im not. Rasa tak tenang teringatkan clara.
I want to bring her to KL with me. But I just don’t know how to get the permission from her mother.
I don’t want to be so selfish. I just love her so much.
Argghhhhhhh I hate dilemma

Fireworks !

I'm away struggling with life..

:) i mean exam

Happy Mother's Day

To my mum,
There'll be no other mum can replace you in my life.
You always said that you are proud to have a daughter like me and i am 1000 x more proud to have a mother like you.

Mama,
I love you so much. Wish you are here so that i can kiss and hug you.


Suprisingly received roses today ... delivery man called at 9am when i was cleaning the bathroom. It's saturday and it is spring cleaning day!! My house is a mess. Hehe

The red beautiful roses are from kevin. I didn't expect that. Recently we are not so closed. I think..

There is a poem.

But the poem is not for me as i wish. Huh.

It's for my mum.

It reads..

For two Mothers

You are the other Mother I received,
the day I love your daughter
And I want to thank you Mom,
for the loving things you've done.

You've given me a gracious woman,
with whom I want to share my dream
You are her lovely Mother,
and I his lucky man.

You used to pat her little head,
and now I hold her hand,
You raised in love a little girl,
and then gave me the woman.

Happy Mother's Day to my dear Arianna, mother to Clara and her mother.




:,(

Strangers, again

It hits 5 million of viewers in youtube

I was touched when i watched this video. Bring tears everytime i watch it.
It is so true.
the cycle of our love life.

I am among the one who related to the content of this video..and i guess you too


SO...WHICH STAGE ARE YOU IN ???

I miss my bed

We are back home. Clara dah keluar wad tengahari tadi. She is recovering well and fast.
Since Clara was warded, saya pun tak pernah balik rumah. Jaga clara kat sana. pakaian dan makan minum semua mama bawakan dan belikan. Dah kenal semua doktor dan nurse dari tingkat atas sampai bawah. =)

Tak susah jaga Clara sebab dia sangat independent. Mungkin sebab dia dah biasa dengan hidup nya sebagai anak sulung. dan ada 2 adik yang kecil. tidak sempat dimanjakan sangat oleh parents. Kalau dia nak minum waktu malam pun dia cuba ambil sendiri. dia tak kejutkan saya. one night saya sedar sebab cawan jatuh. then i realized she didn't want to wake me up.

I miss my bed...rasa sangat selesa bila dapat baring macam ni atas katil sendiri.
tidur kat katil hospital tak sama. first 2,3 nights tu memang menyeksakan. tapi bila tengok clara ok saja, i should not spoil myself too much.

clara dah tidur sebelah saya. i wish she will have enough sleep tonight because tomorrow is our flight back to KK. she must have enough rest.
So do i.
We are both tired. very tired.

But happy that she looks perfect now. at least, perfect to me. she will grow up as a pretty girl and she will appreciate everything that had happened to her since she was small.
Itu semua anugerah Allah.

I guess i can't open my eyes already. till later. Good night..