Kepada Allah kita kembali

Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiun.
Sidd sms bagitahu mama nya telah kembali ke rahmatullah malam tadi pukul 8 di hospital. Saya terus call dia tapi tak dapat cakap lama sebab dia sibuk uruskan hal dengan pihak hospital. Mereka akan bawa jenazah ke JB malam ni juga jadi saya tak berkesempatan untuk melawat. Sebak rasa hati saya.
Rasa macam kehilangan ahli keluarga sendiri.
Saya fikirkan sidd dan adik-adiknya. Selepas ini mereka kena uruskan semuanya sendiri tanpa ibu.
Dan tiba-tiba rasa rindu pada arwah. Rindu bila melawat dia, selalu peluk saya rasa macam anak dia sendiri.
Sidd, be strong for your sisters.
Sorry I'm not there.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

You should try

Pagi-pagi tadi tersedar pukul 4 pagi sebab sejuk sangat. Tutup aircond dan selimutkan Clara. Tak tahu lah sama ada dia sejuk atau tak. Tidur elok je kat sebelah tak sedar apa pun dia.

Pergi toilet lepas tu online sampai pagi. Lepas siap-siap tu turun masak pancake. Malam tadi clara mintak pancake pisang untuk breakfast. Dia nak saya yang buat. Bibik tak nak. Emm..ngade2 dia

Lepas buat pancake kejutkan clara dan makan sama-sama. Bibik cakap selera dia makan kalau saya buatkan pancake. -_-
Keluar rumah pukul 8.30 dah. Tapi sempat sampai ofice pukul 9 sebab jalan tak jem. Horey. Cutilah lagi u all semua kasi saya senang gi keja ok.

Sampai ofice tengok ada nasi lemak atas meja. Dah tahu siapa belikan. Sebab nasi lemak sedap tu ada kat satu tempat aje. Dekat rumah eddie. Eddienya tak ada sebab dia dah keluar ke i-City so saya sms dia cakap thank you.
Thank you sebab masih sudi kawan. Ingat ke dia marah terus. Eddie tak balik ofce satu hari. Rindu nak borak-borak dengan dia.

Saya buat kerja yang banyak tu sampai lunch pun terlepas. Sibuk sangat. So lunch makan biskut ni aje. Saya dah lama addicted dengan biskut ni. Mesti nak ada dalam laci. You should try. Memang sedap. Sedap sesangat.

Our new family member

Clara needs someone to accompany her everyday while I'm not around. Pity her. Seriously. Saya takut nanti dia over tension dan memberontak or lost control. Dan ganggu pembesaran dia ke apa. Always think like that hehe.

So since she likes animal so much. I've decided to give her present of this cute little creature. Ada sepasang. She is so happy today sampai makan pun nak makan dekat cage. Named them Lola & Lulu. Cute sangat rasa nak gigit je.

Semalam kan krismas, saya tunggu if Clara's family akan call dia tapi tak ada. And at night I called her mum and let clara spoke to her. Clara macam biasa je macam cakap dengan saya on the phone. I was a bit worried if she cried and told her mum that she wanted to go home. But luckily she didn't. Phewww...

After her conversation, I asked her if she missed her mum, dia cakap rindu. Tapi tak nampak sedih so I guess she is fine lah kan. Takut dia pendam dan sakit dari dalam aje.

Kevin called at night also and I wished him Merry Christmas. He told me that his dad ada tanya pasal I diam-diam. He said he still with me. And I know his mom will never ask about me coz she hates me. Hahaha

So xmas has passed and here comes New Year. 2011 passed so fast. Talk about that later. Got to prepare dinner for Clara and Lola and Lulu. Hah now I have 3 little one to take care off.

=)

Lazy day

I spent this 2 days at home lazying with Clara. Still covering from depression over being left behind. Again. Yes, I'm back to single but no, we're not clash or anything. I just felt all single. In another word, single = independent.

Kevin left to kk on friday. Sent him to the airport. With all the sadness and heart breaking I had to let him go. I was in the same situation several times so I told kevin

'Kalau ditinggalkan macam ni, I sudah biasa. Just go'

I hate telling him that. No time to sulk. Hey he still had to go. Go go go.

And hope he had a blast xmas today with his family.

Should I wish 'Merry christmas my dear Kevin'. ?

Awkward.

Good nite


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Dinner tonight

Kevin will take me for dinner at his friend's place tonight. The dinner is more to christmas + new year gathering. I'll be open minded and just follow kevin. Its dinner and his friend invited both of us and ..yeah its kevin asking so I don't want to really show the hard side in our religion, don't know how to write but u know what I mean.

Its somewhere in cheras so after this I'll fetch him at hotel and drive there. I'm still in the ofce settling my job coz I'll be on leave tomorrow till after christmas. Kevin will go back on friday. We'll spend the last 2 days together here and bye bye again.

Eddie turned to a very quiet person this week. I left him during bfast and lunch alone and went to have my meals all with kevin since last week. We still talk coz we work together tapi tak macam sebelum ni.
He called me last night tapi clash masa kevin nak call so saya cakap hari ni we talk. Tapi bila tanya dia hari ni dia cakap tak ada apa yang penting. Saya bawakan dia sikit lasagna yang saya buat semalam utk kevin. Saya harap dia makan dan tak buang.

Okey got to go. Kevin is calling. Till later
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Lasagna for birthday

It's his birthday this week also so its good to have him here to celebrate. He said he doesn't want any cake this year but he wants to eat the best lasagna that I can make for him.
Oh no. Saya bukan terer buat lasagna.
Tapi cuba-cuba je. Hope he'll like it. -.-''

Now masuk fridge. Esok hantar kat hotel dia pagi-pagi sebelum saya masuk ofis.
I have a present for him too. Will pass tomorrow.

Waiting for him to call me. He'll call every night since he is here and we chat few hours before we go to bed with red sleepy eyes :)

Happy birthday kevin. Sayang kamu, sayang sekali.

3y 3m 3d

It was yesterday we ended up in 3 years, 3 months and 3 days relationship.
A forbidden love.
Cinta terlarang.
Ke?
Cinta terlarang banyak maksudnya..
Tapi saya kategorikan cinta kami, cinta terlarang juga.
Sebab dilarang keluarganya dan keluarga saya juga tidak berapa setuju.
Sampai bila harus saya teruskan?
Menunggu dia.
Sekarang saya juga tidak memaksa, dan memang tidak pernah memaksa dia
untuk menjadi seorang muslim.
He can take his time, bagi dia peluang.
Bila dia bersedia, dia boleh ikut saya.
Tapi kalau sampai bila pun dia tidak dapat bersedia, dia tidak tertulis
untuk saya.
Tapi saya ada nampak dia macam berusaha ke arah itu.
Dalam beg dia semalam, masa saya tolong ambilkan wallet dia saya nampak
ada satu buku agama. Yang baru dibeli.
Masih dalam plastik MPH.
Saya tak tanya apa-apa, saya simpan balik.
Bila pergi makan, sebelum makan saya berdoa dia ikut jugak tadah tangan
dan aminkan.
Bila nak berpisah dia cakap assalamualaikum.
Saya tak tahu itu lakonan ke, betul ke.
Tapi its not fair kalau nak judge him berlakon sebab nak ambil hati saya.
Mungkin dia sedang belajar kan.
Mana tahu dia ikhlas.
Sebab selama ini dia ikhlas dengan saya.
Dia lagi banyak susah kan diri kerana saya.
Dan tidak ambil kesempatan pada saya.
I resepect him till now.
Saya hanya dapat tadah tangan selepas solat. Berserah kepada Allah.
Supaya dibukakan pintu hati dia dan mudahkan perjalanan kami, sekiranya dia
jodoh saya,.
Jika tidak, pisahkan lah kami segera supaya tidak terlalu lama bersama dan
bertaut kasih sayang.
Dan akhirnya susah untuk terlerai. Amin.

Disabled

I'm totally disabled today.
Disabled to go out. Disabled to enjoy my only weekend with kev. Dah nasib dapat demam macam ni pulak. Suddenly. Maybe sebab ada kena hujan sikit masa dinner on Thursday tu.

Now just lying on bed. Kevin called several times already today. He wanted me to rest. its okey he can do his christmas gift shopping today. Whichever he missed out while shopping in aus before he can do it in kl.
He still need to buy for his cousins.

We plan to bring clara to genting today. Pity her. Kena la duduk rumah saja hari ni with me :(

Please I hope to be better tomorrow
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Excuse my excitement

Semalam I keluar dari ofis pukul 5

sharp sharp when I seldom did that. Selalu 5 lebih atau I’ll work until late.

Sebabnya ada orang dah tak sabar nak jumpa saya. Kept texting me buat countdown

lagi to 5pm.

I should have taken emergency

leave lah today kan??? But who is going to take care of my group yang dah in

house ni.

Bila masuk ke Gardens cari kevin

kat Ground Floor, dia tengah tengok pokok krismas. Saw him from 1st

Floor so I just stood there and watched him rasa macam tak percaya pulak dia

ada kat depan mata. The figure, the gesture, the look. I miss everything about

him. The way he talked to me, the way he looked into my eyes are all the same.

Persetankan perasaan was-was saya dan prasangka buruk saya pada dia selama ini

sebab dia nampaknya masih macam dulu. The way he held my hand everytime we walked,

I felt comfortable. When he squeezed my hand and I looked at him asking

‘What was that for?’

He replied ‘I miss you so much’

*Mata saya akan bersinar hehe

Okey, I fell in love. Again. With

the same person.

*allow me to breath first. While

typing this, I’m smiling and my chest is full of deep feelings.

We headed to Bukit Bintang after

that in the rain and in the jam. He drove and asked for any nice restaurant to

treat me for dinner so I suggested La Bodega. I had no appetite (maybe because

I am too happy so I tend to lose my appetite) I just had ceasar salad and

chicken burger while he had paella and lamb at the same time. He is still a big eater =D. We had tiramisu

for desert.

I sent kevin back to the hotel

after dinner because it was nearly 10 and pity Clara who was waiting for me at

home. Kevin bought her a pack of candy at MidV earlier. I drop him in front of

the hotel lobby. Dengan hati yang berat. Like scolding myself of leaving him

there, which is silly.

After I sent Clara to bed, we

continue chatting on the phone till 3am. That’s crazy because today we will

still be meeting for lunch and after work.

Again, can’t wait.

Excuse my excitement these week

okey =)

Thank you God

Yes. Kevin is here.
My love is here.
Let me smile =)))))))

It can never be expressed with words. The presence. The
happiness.
Dia muncul secara surprise. So no preparation. I didn’t apply
for leave. So I have to work while he is in town is killing me.
Every time I had to look at the clock hope that it will tick
faster -.-“

Just received his sms

*what is the time now? Can’t wait to meet you today. Cepat sikit ye??*

Arghhh !

Nak suruh eddie cover kerja. Tapi segan. Dan dia diam aje semalam dan hari
ni. Semalam saya dah balik awal sikit. Sebab keluar dinner dengan kevin dan
clara. Kevin nak jumpa clara. And clara was very happy to meet him again.

The other day, he was the one who sent me the roses. Dia stay kat hotel
kat Mid valley ni. So it’s closer to my office. Petang tu kan, masa nak balik
kerja saya singgah mcD tapau burger for dinner. Lepas tu singgah Jusco kejap
beli ice cream. Lepas beli ice cream naik ke tingkat 5 parking. Saya tak ada
mood. So saya tak ambil kisah pun dengan orang sekeliling. Saya tak tengok pun
siapa ada di depan dan belakang. Main jalan aje. Masuk dalam lif pun
ramai-ramai. Sampai tingkat 5 saya terus jalan ke kereta. On the way pergi
kereta ada dengar orang batuk-batuk kat belakang. Lama-lama makin kuat batuk
dia. Dan macam dia jalan satu jalan dengan saya ke tempat kereta tu.

Saya pusing belakang tengok. Well, macam nak tercabut jantung bila tengok
kevin tersengih kat belakang. Masa tu tak tahu nak cakap apa. Macam-macam rasa
ada. Terkejut, geram, terharu, sedih, dan happy. Tapi mestilah happy yang
lebih. =)

Terus kejang berdiri kat situ tak dapat nak cakap apa-apa. Sampai dia
datang ambil kan plastik beg barang-barang saya pun saya masih tengok dia macam
tak percaya. Okey, surprise menjadi. Kevin cakap dia tak plan nak surprise saya
pada mulanya. Dia punya tiket a week later. Tapi dia cakap dia dah tak sabar
rindu sangat nak balik jugak so dia pergi tukar tiket dan skip kuliah dan kerja
dia untuk seminggu. Dia tanggung consequences nya nanti. Wah terharunya.. tsk
Lepas tu pergi duduk kat bench dalam midvalley cerita-cerita. Sampai ice
cream yg dibeli pun cair dalam kereta. I don’t care. ;)

Okey its 4.30 dah ke? Nak siap-siap lah. 5 sharp nak keluar dah. Kevin dah
tunggu kat Gardens. Malam ni dinner kat sini lepas tu jalan-jalan kejap then
hantar dia balik hotel semula. Nak bawak gi jalan kat rumah tapi not nice sebab
parents tak ada kan. Dia pun faham. Cant wait for the weekend. Ah he will be
here till next week. I still have him for the whole week.

Oh my God..thank you. I am so happy

Panic

Kevin was not traceable during weekend. He didn't reply to my text and when I called his handphone was off. Tried to call his pet brother but the number was not in service. Bagus. He has changed his number must be.

I just worried because the last time on Friday spoken to him he said that he feltl unwell. I hope nothing bad is happen.

This morning I tried again and again his phone. It was off still. I am worried I could not do my work. I called his sister, she said kevin didn't call her during weekend. But I didn't tell anything don't want her to worry. Nanti lagi teruk. Biar saya yang cari dia dulu.

Sebelum ni kevin ada juga diam for few days but I didn't really worry like this since I knew if she was having test or exam or field. But this time i don't feel good.

Just now I received a bouquet of flower. One boy hantar to our receptionist. Red roses. Besar. Terkejut. Colleagues semua usik-usik saya ada secret admirer kot. No sender. I stared at eddie but he said it wasn't him. Today is not my birthday. Salah orang kot.

Tapi hati saya bukan pada bunga tu. Biarlah siapa nak hantar. Waste of money lah sebab saya tak dapat nak excited. Saya risau.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Pizza

We made pizza today !
A simple one. Meet our hunger, at least..

We wanted to go to Sunway Lagoon today but Clara is not feeling well. So we just lepak at home. Yaya is wathing marathon The Walking Dead and i watch my fav series online.

Maybe tonight we'll go out for dinner. Thinking about some steamboat..yumm


Resipi ? ---> http://arianna100recipeschallenge.blogspot.com/

Night out together

Yaya is still around. She will stay until Sunday. Glad to have here around.
Gelak je all the time. Kalau tahu dia nak datang awal-awal saya dah ambil cuti.
Last minit tak dapat pulak nak cuti sebab kerja melambak.
Yaya is my BFF. She understood me and she is the best advisor I’ve ever had.
She is my love counsellor too.
She was the one who rejected kevin when kevin wanted to get to know me. She was the one who scolded me when I decided to accept kevin. I’m not mad at her. She has just playing his
role as my best friend who should protect me. She worried about me if kevin
just wanted to play around and leave me hurt. But now she has accepted the fact
that I had fall in love with kevin. No matter what will happen between myself
and kevin, yaya said just go to her whenever I need her.

Awe,,, ;(

Last night we went out for dinner.
4 of us. Myself, yaya, clara and eddie. Eddie came to pick us up and we went to
Sunway Pyramid. Eddie knew yaya since we were in sabah already. And I must say
that yaya is the one yang membuatkan kami kenal antara satu sama lain. Sebab
yaya yang bawa saya ke kenduri di mana Eddie ada kat situ. Hah nice meeting and
it was funny though.

We wanted to give a little surprise to Clara so we brought her to watch Puss In Boots.
Eddie has earlier booked the ticket yesterday when we were in the office and he planned everything. We just followed. I like when someone planned and I bawak diri je ikut plan tu. J

Clara loved it. And no stop talking and telling and laughing in the cinema until I have to shut her mouth at one time because the front row woman already looked back. I guess she was
happy too with aunties and uncle layan her. They bought her ice cream and toys.
They pampered her too much. But as Yaya said, she needs the pamper why don’t we
give her?

I agree.

We will do something fun this weekend together and cant wait !

Happy weekend everyone :)

More and more and more

Everytime i looked in the mirror, i would see my chubbier chin and cheek.

More and more and more chubby than before. My mum suka lah. Sebab dia cakap anak dia cukup makan kat sini.

I put on some weight since last hari raya.

Told kevin,

"Kev, you will see a different me when we meet okey"

"Can't wait!"
"You dont want to know what is the difference? i'm warning youu"
"I dont care as long as its one piece of my Arianna"

You dont care ye ?
Wait and see. =P

Watch all tv series free !

Yaya tak jadi datang semalam. Dia dah sampai lewat ke KL terus ke rumah
sepupu dia. Hari ni baru janji nak spend time dengan saya. Jumpa petang lepas
kerja dan dia nak overnight kat rumah 2-3 hari. Oh bestnya. Rasa macam nak buat
sleep over party je. Nak join? J

Malam tadi sampai pukul 3 marathon Vampire Diaries. Mula dari awal. Banyak
lagi nak marathon. Gossip Girl lagi, One Tree Hill lagi. Kardashians pun rasa
macam nak start dari awal balik. Nak tengok dari mereka mula series tu in 2007.
Lepas tu nak tengok Pretty Little Liars then Lipstick Jungle.

Ada juga cooking series nak tengok. Kitchen Nightmares ada. Chopped All
Stars pun ada. Yahuu. Suka sangat. Tapi first nak tengok Man Vs Food. Like
like.

Surprised to see The Wonder Years pun ada. Siri lama but I like Fred
Savage so selalu cari mana boleh tengok Worder Years masa Fred kecik2 lagi. Happy
sangat. The Girl from tomorrow pun ada yeay.

What is your favourite series? Kalau ada tell me so saya boleh tengok juga
nanti.

Go here : http://watchseries.eu

Another week to count

Hello, good day! Another week to count huh.

How's your weekend?
Mine was good. Tak ke mana-mana,
resting at home. Hanya kelaur sekitar rumah, ke kedai beli barang dapur.
Restock everything yang tak ada. Then pergi lepak rumah maklong. Maklong masak
macam nak kenduri semalam saja sebab dia call semua sepupu suruh datang
makan-makan. Everone likes clara. Clara pun seronok sebab ramai yang ada,
sepupu-sepupu kecil ajak dia main. Sampai nak berhenti makan pun tak nak
punyalah seronok. Has to stop everyone untuk duduk dan hidangkan makanan paksa
mereka makan dulu, baru semua nak makan. Masa kecil, saya pun macam tu juga.
Kalau dah mula main, mesti tak ingat makan.

Ijoy nak gi rumah paksu kat UK for holiday so dia ajak saya ikut tapi bila sebab kevin nak balik mesti la saya tak nak pergi. Takkan kevin balik, saya pulak lari keluar. Saya bagitahu ijoy kevin
nak balik. So he understood. Saya belum apply cuti lagi ni nasib baik teringat.
I wanted to take 3-4 days leave while kevin is in KL so boleh keluar
jalan-jalan. He said one week before Christmas he will be here and from
Christmas and one week after that with his family.

Seminggu je kat sini? Fine lah.
Kenalah fair. Me and his family. Jangan tamak sangat -.-“

Yesterday I called Jen, Clara’s mother. Just a courtesy asking her if she wants Clara back for Christmas. She said she wanted to, but she has another matter happening there so she said it’s
better if Clara just stay here. She asked if Clara bagi masalah dekat saya tapi
of course saya cakap nothing than happiness to me and my family here. A part of
me takut nak bagi Clara balik sana even for short time tapi as a human, I don’t
want her to be separated too long from her mother especially during the festive
season like Christmas. Clara talked to her mother like ususal over the phone.
She didn’t tell that she wants to go home or anything. I guess she likes to
stay here with me.

Yaya is coming to KL today, she will call me if she wants to sleep over at my place tonight.

Glad to see her after a while. Many things to tell, lots of story to chat about. Hope I can
meet her this time. She still managing her sister’s business so she is pretty
busy and I heard she is getting engage to Norman soon. She is so lucky hah. I’ll
be left behind =(

Okey to be continued..

Bedah Tong Gas

Adoi lawak la citer ni. Jom la tengok kawan2. Sakit perut gelak.

=D

Kevin and my roasted chicken

Semalam saya rushing buat proposal dan closing sebab nak balik awal. I skipped lunch and stay back. Eddie tengok saya tak keluar dia pun malas nak keluar. My boss was kind enough to order us Dominos. Thehehe. We have works so hard , she noticed it. She also asked about Clara yesterday and she praised me for being so brave to take care of her by myself. She asked me to find a baby for her to adopt. Kalau kita bersendirian kan, I mean hidup sendirian dan semakin meningkat usia, we may think of a baby to accompany us. And to take care of us when we get older. At least ada yang menjaga bila kita sakit demam.

Kevin called everynight now. Told him to save money  and not calling so frequent. I ni pelik. Kalau dia tak call I sedih, kalau dia call I suruh dia jimat dan jangan call selalu. Bukan apa, sebab dia dah nak balik sini so need more money to spend. Better dia jangan bazirkan untuk call. When he called, he would look for Clara first dan cakap-cakap dulu then he asked clara to call me. Silap la dia sebab clara punya cerita lagi panjang dari cerita saya. She will tell all the daily activities and the fairy tale stories also. =P

Last night I roasted ½ chicken for us. It turned out delicious. Especially clara wrapped it to the bone. Kids and chicken tak boleh dipisahkan. We ate with rice and sambal cili padi bik Hera masakkan. That’s all for dinner. Tapi kenyang sampai ke tengah malam.

If you want to try the recipe, as usual boleh tengok kat my other blog okey. I have many more recipes to accomplish. Give me more time please..=)